5 Habits YOU Need to Embrace Right Now
(Not in 2 weeks. Not when this pandemic is over. Like right this second.)
1. Have a Morning Routine
I know, I know. Mornings suck. I am a recovering insomniac and terrible sleeper. Mornings used to come way too early for me. But starting this year (so for only a few months now), I wake up early and have a morning routine. It’s life changing in the very best way.
All successful people have some sort of a morning routine. (go ahead. Look it up. I’ll wait). And this is why—b/c when you own the morning, you own the day. And if you own the day, you own the week. And so on, and so on….When you don’t have to rush and throw on clothes in a panic and
Start slow. Maybe just 15 minutes so you’re not in a rush. Just enough to drink your coffee slowly. This morning routine is just for you. So don’t wake up early to do a chore. Do something for yourself. Maybe sit quietly. Maybe exercise even if that is just some stretching.
Or maybe you do what I do—wake up at least an hour early so you can watch the sunrise and meditate and plan for the day. I absolutely love my mornings now. I literally don’t know how I ever got anything done before I made this a habit. If a reformed lover of the “snooze” button can jump out of bed while it’s still dark with a smile, you can too.
2. Choose Your Words Wisely
Words have infinite power. We normally think about the affect our words have on other people. But words have a huge affect on ourselves even when we don’t even say them out loud.
At some point you’ll have heard the cliché “50 words for snow”, whether it’s a meme about language or the song by Kate Bush or if you’re a linguist geek (like me) from the anthropologist Franz Boas[1]. But either way, the concept is that there are so many ways to describe “snow” that Eskimos put an importance on the descriptions that they have come to create at least 50 words to do so. Think about that—what’s so important to you that you need at least 50 ways to describe it? Or what about the idea that some words just don’t translate from country to country because certain concepts don’t “translate” in different cultures. (The Italian word Abbiocco means the drowsiness that follows eating a big meal or Dolce far niente which loosely means a feeling that combines leisure, idleness and laziness all at once). But we don’t have a similar words in the United States—probably because we don’t put importance on slowing down and just enjoying. But now think about how many words we have to describe “stress” (i.e. pressure, tension, strain, worry, anxiety, distress, suffering, strain, trauma, etc. etc. etc.) This just goes to show you how words shape how we view things as a culture.
But even more importantly, words can also shape how we view ourselves. I have a fundamental concept that I live by—the body listens to everything the mind tells it. Let’s say that again out loud. (Go ahead, I’ll wait.) If you can master that idea, you’ll be way ahead of the pack. Here are a few ways I’ve changed my own words to myself to further that belief.
I no longer say the words can’t or cannot. Instead of saying I can’t do a particular yoga pose or can’t cook, I say I’m still working on my handstand or I’m still working on mastering souffles. Because when my body hears my mind telling it that it can’t do something, my body already starts to shut down and not even try.
I ask myself better questions. When I realize that I’m stuck or having difficulty, I used to ask myself—what am I doing wrong? With that question, it’s easy to list off a laundry list of faults and failures. Now, instead, I ask myself “what can I do today to make things better?” In that sense, I focus on the positive of what I have to do vs the negative of what has kept me back.
I have a theme song. I know, it seems silly. But the next time you go to a baseball game, see how many of the players have a song that plays when it’s their turn to bat. Their song is meant to pump them up and fire them up to play better. It’s fundamental, but it really works. Sometimes I don’t need an entire song, sometimes it’s a word or mantra that I play over and over and over again in my head. Simple mantras include “I am” “I can”, “I believe in myself”, “I choose happiness”, etc. Repeating simple phrases not only fills your head with good words vs negative words but it also helps you focus on what you are trying to accomplish.
3. Think Like a Billionaire
What? Doesn’t everyone talk to billionaires? Well, actually, I was listening to a podcast where John Demartni was talking about the secrets of billionaires. This is my favorite one and so true—wealthy people don’t spend money to buy consumables they spend money to make more money. And even more to that point, wealthy people don’t borrow money (as in credit cards) for things that depreciate. That means, I know you love those CL’s and LV purse, but if you don’t have the money, you shouldn’t be buying them. <ducks to avoid all the virtual stuff being thrown>. Now, on the other hand, if you borrow money to go to school or get more training or invest—that’s okay. But buying an item on credit for something that depreciates the minute you walk out the store (or drive it off the lot) is not a habit that wealthy people do. They buy those things in cash—and only if they are debt free.
I quick way that I save money is to sweep 20% of everything I make into a savings. But I am self-employed so it’s my way of doing a self check. But I didn’t always have such discipline. When I started my law practice, there were months I was worried that I wouldn’t make any money and wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I had student loans and credit card debt and saving was the like for real grown ups. But my way of saving back then was to get myself out of debt. Blah. Boring. But you know what—it worked. And then I could do some real work to build wealth.
It’s the baby steps. Limit your extra spending. Pay off that credit card. Keep the car for a little longer before you get another car note. Make saving a priority. Soon it will become a habit. One that will only continue to “work” for you.
4. Being Grateful
I’m sure you’ve heard this many times before—"be thankful for what you have” or “count your blessing”. But truth is, having a gratitude practice changes your brain and makes you happier and less likely to be depressed. Most studies show that gratitude is helpful for well-functioning people. But in one study from Berkley, the researchers found that gratitude can be beneficial for people who struggle with mental health concerns. [2]
So, how does gratitude make us happier? It’s not just about being positive (hint: it’s about not being so negative). Gratitude keeps us from being negative. When we have a gratitude journal or gratitude practice that includes writing, the same Berkley study showed that the participants who used less negative words and more inclusive words like “we” were the ones that were happier. Gratitude helps us focus on the positive rather than ruminate on the negative.
How long does a gratitude practice take to feel the effects? Many studies show that having a gratitude practice works pretty quickly. However, even more interesting is that the practice of gratitude actually gets greater with time. So the good news is gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving.
And in a follow up study[3], researchers found that practicing gratitude may help train the brain to be more sensitive to the experience of gratitude in the future and contribute to improved mental health over time.
5. Know What you Want (Goal Setting)
How do you know what you want if you don’t know what you want. And what I mean by setting goals is two-fold: (1) you need to be specific. Don’t just say I want to be rich, say you want to have $____ in the bank. And (2) shoot big with those goals. I mean shoot big and make it long term—not just that you want to organize your closet or learn to cook gumbo. (both of which are great goals btw). I’m talking about goals like—I want to buy a new house with a closet that is as big as my bedroom and I want to be the head chef at Spago or Joel Robuchon. BIG really BIG.
And once you know what you are aiming for, it’s a lot easier to take those steps to get there. Because defining goals triggers action. That means having clear and compelling goals motivate you into making them happen.
I once asked a friend who was unemployed what kind of job she wanted. She responded with “the paying kind”. I said but like—tell me more. And to my surprise, that’s really all she had. I told her she needs to write down what she was really wanting because how else will she know when it comes along? At first she was confused but then that’s exactly what she did. I mean, how is the universe going to send you something if you don’t even know what you want? Now, I don’t need you to believe in whether or not the universe will hand you over your dreams on a silver platter in order for it to happen. But you do need to know exactly what you want to accomplish before you can accomplish it. Try it. See if it doesn’t make you put in an effort to focus and try to narrow down what you really desire. And then…..make it happen.
These 5 simple habits are life changing. We are in a strange predicament where it almost seems like time stands still yet we have so much time on our hands. Modifying your behavior and incorporating these 5 little habits can begin to "unstuck" you and get you motivated to make big strides in your life. What do you have to lose?
Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997. She has been practicing family law for over 20 years. She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She is also a certified yoga instructor (R.Y.T.-200) and has been practicing yoga for about 4 years now. She lives in Houston, Texas. She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order. Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce. If you are in need of a divorce or transitional coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or www.texasyogalawyer.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. And visit her blog-- https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com
[1] For more on Franz Boas, see “The Passion of Franz Boas” by Herbert S. Lewis, American Anthropologist, Vol. 103, No. 2 (Jun., 2001)
[2] Y. Joel Wong, Jesse Owen, Nicole T. Gabana, Joshua W. Brown, Sydney McInnis, Paul toth & Lynn Gilman (2018 Does gratitude writing improve the mental health of psychotherapy clients? Evidence from a. Randomized controlled trial, Psychotherapy Research, 28:2, 192-202, DOI: 10.1080/10503307.2016.1169332
[3] Id.