Everything I Need to Know I Learned In Yoga...(Part 3)

Everything I  Need to Know I Learned in Yoga: How I transformed my life with yoga, even if you’re not down, dog. Part 3

 

 

Forward

 

I went to my first yoga class when I was 44 years old.  I never thought yoga was for me.  In fact, I was pretty sure that yoga was only for 22 year olds or size 2 ladies who lunch.  That’s what I told my friend Michelle when she suggested I try a class.  I remember telling her, “I don’t think I’m flexible enough to go to yoga.”  To which she said, “Flexibility is not a requirement, it is a result.”  Now, being a lawyer (and a pretty good one at that), I can argue pretty much any side of the argument.  But truth is—I had no comeback to her comment.  So on a day in September 2016, I put on my only pair of yoga pants a tank top, grabbed my $25 dollar yoga mat recently purchased from amazon and made myself as small as I could in the back of a yoga class in a suburb of Houston, Texas.  I tried my best to be invisible and not make a fool out of myself.  I remember slipping and sliding off my mat and looking up every three seconds to make sure that I was doing it “right” all the while pulling and tugging at my yoga pants and tank top to readjust my wardrobe malfunctions.  But I made it through the 75 minutes and didn’t die of embarrassment or some freak bending accident.  And even better—I went back.  

 

In the first few months, I thought to myself—this is totally for me.  I’m competitive with myself and I like to push myself.  I learned some pretty difficult poses in a very short period of time—i.e. wheel, crow and even headstand.  When people told me they had been working on those poses for years, I thought to myself “I knew it, I’ve got this!”  But then I started to really “get” yoga.  And by that I mean, I got that it’s not about rushing through poses or about the “destination” but rather it’s about the journey.  I started to learn to slow down and let the process happen vs trying to force it and check something off my “yoga list”.  

 

I learned so much in my journey through yoga.  Not at all what I expected to learn and yet so much more.  I know it sounds cliché but yoga has literally changed my life.  I “get” that I need to slow down.  I “get” that I need to throw out all my expectations for myself.  I now joke that it took me almost 3 years to go 3 inches (in my split) and I’m okay with that speed.  Never did this type-A, overachiever, first born, self-centered, impatient, out-spoken divorce lawyer think that yoga would be the best thing to ever happen to her.  But here we are….and here is my journey….

 

 31.    Be Generous

For some time now, I’ve wanted to be generous to others as a way of giving back for everything that I have been given.  I’m a firm believer that we should “give back” what we take.  And for me that has always meant volunteering my time and/or making financial donations.  I am thankful that I had certain opportunities in my life and feel that it is my responsibility to give to others that are less fortunate and/or in need.  I started volunteering when I was 17 years old and have consistently over the years given my time (whether it’s at Children’s hospitals, pro bono legal work or now in NCL with my daughters passing along the torch).  But it wasn’t until I started yoga that I realized maybe there were times that I was the one in need.

In yoga you need to be generous with your breath, your intention your effort and your time. I understood that concept from the start.  What I didn’t “get” until years of yoga practice was that I need to be generous with myself.  At first, I would go to yoga class a few times a month.  Just adding it to my normal workout routine.  After months and months, I started to realize that yoga “feeds” your body and your mind.  It becomes sustenance for your physical and mental health.  Once I got that, I realized that I need to be “generous” with my “helpings” of yoga.  I need to go often.  So I started putting my yoga classes on my work calendar and scheduling my days around my classes.  (This is from a girl who when I was first licensed to practice law--worked 7  days a week, 10-12 hour days and never stopped to workout.)  Imagine now that I am making exercise a priority! It’s a 180 degree change.  And not only did I see the change from being stingy with my health to being generous, I noticed that if I missed class, I could feel the difference.  I literally would crave yoga class.  

It took something as simple as 55 minutes of class time to teach me that while being unselfish in my time with others and giving back was not the only lesson that I needed to learn.  I needed to learn to be selfish with my needs and generous to myself.  

32.    Own the Day

Anyone who knows  me, knows that this is one of my favorite phrases.  It’s my version of “carpe diem” or “just do it” (thanks Nike for the cultural reference). I believe that if you put it out there that you want to make things happen, they will.  And I’ve always (and by always, I mean for about the last 20 years or so) been a believer in your ability to  put yourself out there and kick some a$$.

         So, when I started yoga, that’s exactly what I intended to do—kick some yoga butt.  I was determined to master it “all”.  Lol, little did I know, that’s not at all what was going to happen.  I realized pretty quickly that yoga had a different version of whose backside would be kicked.  I had to take a step back and realize that some days, it’s good enough to make it through the class.  Yoga reminded me that “owning” something doesn’t also mean “conquering” it.  It can also mean “doing your best” or “showing up”. Yoga taught me that I can own the day even when I’m not at 100%.  

         So now I try to remember to start each day with little expectation and see where it takes me.  Yoga has taught me to seize each day as it comes rather than me telling the day how and what I expect from it.  It’s been really freeing.

33.    It’s not supposed to hurt

I’ve always pushed myself.  I’m competitive—with myself and others.  I have to admit this but I’ve been banned (for life) from playing Monopoly.  It’s so sad but so true.  I’m like that with everything I do.

So, when I first started yoga, I thought—I’m supposed to push everything to the limit.  But that really hurt me. So much so that I thought I was going to have to have shoulder surgery.  And when I was working on poses, I’m like, I need to do this and push through the pain.  My yoga instructors were horrified.  They would say—“but yoga is not supposed to hurt”.  This lesson took me a very long time to figure out.  I thought they were just saying those words to me so I wouldn’t injure myself.  But I eventually those words sunk in.  Yoga is not supposed to “hurt”. Like at all. If it hurts, you’ve gone too far.  

That’s what I learned in yoga to help me in real life.  Things can be challenging and you can push yourself, but at the end of the day, it shouldn’t hurt.  If you wake up every morning and dread going to work, it’s not supposed to be that way.  If you yearn for change in your life so much it physically or mentally “hurts” you, you need to make that change.  Hurting is not “normal”. Hurting is not what we should be complacent about.  

34.    Let the floor catch you (part 1)

I used to say (practically my entire life) that my biggest fear is failure.  I’m sure all you type A’s out there feel the same way.  We tend to worry so much that we will disappoint people or fail that we get lost in the worrying.  

In yoga, I would listen in savasana, ‘let the floor catch you’.  For years, that meant very little to me.  But recently, during the Covid-19 pandemic, I was lying on my yoga mat and heard my instructor say the same phrase she’s said for 3 ½ years to me and it was like a lightening bolt hit me.  That doesn’t just mean—lie down and let your body release.  It means soooo much more (I almost feel silly that it took me this long to realize the meaning of that phrase).  It means, you have support and there is a limit to how far down you can go.

It’s brilliant really.  Imagine a person who is terrified of failing that she uses up time to “predict” bad things that can happen. (You realize the person is me, right?).  I would plan so much because I wanted to avoid all the “what if’s”.  But you know what?  There’s only so much “bad” stuff that can happen, right?  If I don’t have everything cooked and in “show condition” for my superbowl party—what’s the worst that can happen?  There is a “floor” to my “bad stuff”.  It’s not like there is an unlimited amount of “failure” that can come out of my one misstep.  I need to remember (and it’s still a work in progress) that my floor is proportional to what I’m doing and not this bottomless pit of abyss.  But hearing it over and over in yoga class has helped.

35.    Let the floor catch you (part 2)

Like I’ve said, I’m practically a professional worrier.  Failure is not an option in my work or home life.  I was  (many days I still ‘am’) one of those people who would spend needless hours worrying about a case or a party or an email I sent.  

There is always support—in yoga and in life.  The floor is always there to “catch” us and make sure we don’t fall through the center of the earth (in my mind that’s what all this worrying will do to you).  And you know what?  You should let the floor catch you.  You should let the person who asks if you need help, to let them help.  You should reach out and delegate tasks (both physical and mental).  It’s okay to need people.  It’s okay to not be able to do everything yourself.  (Did you guys know this your entire lives and I’m just figuring it out?  I’m super jealous.). Life we go on even if you don’t make your kids lunches every day in fun and cute shapes. Life will go on even if you don’t plan an elaborate mall scavenger hunt for 30 pre-teens for a birthday party.  Life will go on if you don’t decorate for Halloween one year and have the best haunted house in the neighborhood (y’all realize these are all my real life examples, right?). It’s still really hard for me to reach out and ask for help, but at least I do it. That’s progress.

36.    Yoga is not just about touching your toes

I used to want to be  an actress (not  because I’m so dramatic or  anything—well, I mean, I am but that’s not the reason why).  I wanted to be an actress because I always  knew  I wanted  to practice law.  I imagined myself in the shoes of Atticus Finch (from To Kill a Mockingbird)  or Billy Flinn in  Chicago wowing the crowds and  becoming impassioned.  Little did I know that the practice  of law would  be so much more and so much less  than I imagined as a teenager when I made the  declaration that I was going to be a lawyer one day.  

Yoga is not just about touching your toes.  But I didn’t know that until after going to yoga class  for years.  I grasped that yoga is a study and  all that.  But I didn’t get that yoga is not just about  exercise. It’s so much more  than exercise  and at the same time so much less.  Yoga is also about breath work and listening to your body.  It’s about meditation (in  fact yoga is like a moving meditation).  So while there is mastery  of the poses in yoga, the true “master” is one that sees how all of yoga works together.  

And that’s what yoga taught me about my  work.  

Practicing law is not all about going to court.  In fact, most cases rarely go to court. It’s about sitting there when your client  is anxious  or scared.  Or explaining some convoluted contract. Or helping fight for someone’s freedom.  And everything in life can  be that way too if we are looking  the right way.  Being  a mom  or parent is not just  having children. It’s being a nurturer and a caregiver.  It’s about be patient and understanding.  There is so much more to what we do and who we are than a little screenshot—it’s the whole not just the pieces. 

37.    Thinking Big

My parents were supportive of me.  They didn’t tell me I had limits. I can’t remember being told you “can’t” much growing up.  (Please understand that is very different from being told “no”.  I was definitely told “no” a lot). As a result, I thought I thought big.  At age 12, I would tell people I was going to be a lawyer.  And 12 years later, I did just that. When I was a lawyer, I told people I was going to be board certified.  And 6 years later, I was. So, I thought this is what thinking big means. That is, until I started doing yoga.

Yoga doesn’t just make me think big, it also makes me think small.  By that I mean, yoga doesn’t just make me set big goals for myself it makes me set small ones too.  I have a yoga vision board. I have a spreadsheet of yoga poses/stretches that I do every day (I apologize for how geeky that makes me seem. But hey, it’s the truth).  I realized that yoga makes me  not just set goals for the future but for every single day.  I can’t reach my big goals and my big yoga poses without reaching my small ones.

This concept is so profound that I now have a goal journal wherein I write down every day what I am doing to achieve my goals. (And yes, I still have that yoga spreadsheet. I know. I know). So now I remember that all my big goals start somewhere and I work on them every single day---and that to me is thinking BIG.

38.    Take a Deep Cleansing Breath

We all have heard that phrase—take a deep breath and you’ll feel better.  When people would say that to me—it’s like telling me to “calm down” when I’m in a full blown panic—it only makes things worse.  WAY worse.  I thought taking a deep breath was just a way to make a person re-focus and forget what was making them all worked up in the first place.  You know, like what you do to a 2 year old when they  are having a tantrum.  You distract them with something else.

It wasn’t until I started doing yoga that I began to understand that your breath is very powerful.  I started to learn that your breath work is just as important as your asana work (or poses).  I also realized that taking a deep breath actually does calm you down but not necessarily in the same way I always thought.  Taking a big deep cleansing breath (in through the nose and out through the mouth) tells the part of the brain (the amygdala) that we are not in a fight flight or flee state and we don’t need our body to respond in such a way to help us get through such a dilemma.  Taking a deep breath tells our body to initiate the parasympathetic nervous system (vs. the sympathetic nervous system) so it can restore a calm and composed state.  

So now, I literally take a deep breath ALL the time.  Not just to help me get back into the state that I need to be in but so I can present a more calm and focused persona to my clients and all those around me.  It’s literally as if I breathe in calm and breathe out stress.  

39.    Don’t Think—Just Do

I’ve never been a rash person.  I analyze everything.  I’m the kind of person who puts things in her on-line shopping cart for days to mull over whether or not she really needs another pair of yoga pants or another new gadget.  It’s probably why the practice of law attracted me.  You get to think and use logic rather than just be impulsive.  It’s always been the right way for me.  That is, until I started practicing yoga.

When I started yoga, I literally thought too much.   I would think—“Oh, there’s no way I can do that pose.” And guess what—I couldn’t.  So then I had a yoga instructor (yes, Mia, it was you) who told me that I need to stop getting in my head so much.  I needed to stop the self-doubt that was keeping me from really trying. I needed to literally dive head first into the pose. I had to become more careless--which wasn’t easy for me.  But it was just what I needed in order to be successful on my yoga mat.

So I brought that fool-hardy-ness back from yoga into my life.  I try to not over think things.  It helps me to be gentle with myself.  And on a different level, being impetuous helps me get up in the morning (I have an entire blog on why waking up before the sun is a great thing).  I literally jump out of bed when the alarm goes off at 5 am. I don’t let myself think about it or I know I’ll talk myself into staying in bed for just a few more minutes.  I love that yoga taught me to un-think. And who would have thought that was exactly what I needed?

40.Hanging with my Ohm-ies!

Where I grew up, I was never really exposed to chanting or sitting in a circle and singing Kumbaya.  I mean, that may seem like a surprise since I was born in the 70’s  but….nonetheless.  The whole concept of chanting in a room together pretty much seemed like some sort of devil worshipping ritual to me coming from a New Orleans catholic school girl.  I just never really understood the purpose.  And this is where I normally say something like “until I started yoga”. But the truth is….I still didn’t get the point of chanting when I started yoga or even after years and years of practice.

I would watch in a yoga class or meditation class and see how chanting seemed to be beneficial. But it just wasn’t for me.  Saying the same word or phrase over and over again seemed unnecessary and pointless.  So I decided to look at it a different way.  I started seeing chanting as a gentle reminder to myself of something I need at that moment.  Like a little internal pep talk.  Like a repetitive theme song in your head. Like a personal applause track playing at your whim.  And so I now embrace the idea of pumping myself up with a word or phrase (or chant) that resonates with me when I need it.  I mean, who wouldn’t want their own cheering squad following them around?  Mine just happens to be me.  

 

 

 Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She has been practicing yoga for about 5 years and made a dream come true when she became a certified yoga instructor RYT 200 in June 2020.  She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  She also calls herself the yoga lawyer.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram  (@txyogalawyer, @yogalawyer1123, @coachingbyallyb, @texasdivorcecoach) Facebook (@txyogalawyer and @coachingbyallyb) and Twitter (@coachingbyallyb).  And visit her blog--https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

  

Pre-Dawn Society: Being Awake is....being awake

 

Pre-Dawn Society: Being Awake is…..being awake

 

    I have another blog that focuses on the 5 habits you need right now.  One of those habits was to adopt a morning routine.  In this blog, we will focus exclusively on why a morning routine is so important.

 

Own the Day!!

    I have always said—if you wake up early, you own the day.  And if you own the day, you own the week.  And if you own the week, you own the month. And so on.  Waking up before the sun is not easy.  There are days that I loathe my alarm.  I literally wish evil on Alexa for making that horrid noise.  But on days I don’t wake up early, I am less productive, less alert, less motivated and way more tired.  Yes, I am more tired when I wake up late.  I’m grumpy and groggy and it takes longer for me to become awake.  And that is what this blog is about.  Being physically awake before the sun rises helps you be spiritually and emotionally awake in life.

 

Greatness is made

    It has been said that greatness is not born, it is made.  What does this mean?  Ever heard of Kobe Bryant?  He never stopped working. Never. He never rested on his laurels.  He wasn't born a great ball player, he worked hard every single day to be a great ball player.  It means that there is greatness in all of us. But self doubt and laziness sometimes stop of from reaching that “greatness”.  However, if we work at being great, and tap into our potentials, we can achieve anything.  But it takes work.  And work is hard. So lots of us stop there.  But we don’t have to.  Waking up earlier than our bodies would normally or naturally, can help us have more time in the day to achieve what we want and if we make our early morning routines count, we can make BIG things happen every day.

 

Here is a list of successful people who have early morning routines:  Mark Cuban, Jack Dorsey (CEO at Square), Oprah, Arianna Huffington, Ernest Hemingway, Richard Branson (founder and chairman of Virgin Group), Sheryl Sandberg, Mark Zuckerberg, Benjamin Franklin, Bill Gates, Michelle Obama, Jennifer Anniston, Bill McNabb (Chairman of the Vanguard Group), General Stanley McChrystal (retired U.S. Army four-star general), Mellody Hobson (President of Ariel Investments), L. Rafael Reif (President of M.I.T.), Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert), Mary Barra (Chief Executive at GM), Tim Armstrong (CEO at AOL), Indra Nooyi (CEO at PepsiCo), Tim Cook (CEO at Apple), Bob Iger (CEO at Disney), Ursula Burns (CEO at Xerox), Margaret Thatcher, Napoleon, Condoleeza Rice, John Grisham (author), Mozart, and Frank Lloyd Wright.  

 

 

What should your morning routine consist of?

I believe to achieve maximum benefits, your morning routine should consist of these 5 steps:

 

1.    Move

Exercise. You don’t have to go to the gym or run 15 miles in the early morning hours, but some kind of movement is good for you first thing in the morning.  I tend to do a few rounds of sun salutations or simple stretches to get the muscles limber. 

Benefits—It enhances your energy levels.  It also gives you less ability to make excuses for not exercising.  Waiting until the end of the day just postpones it and sometimes makes it more difficult to fit an exercise routine into your day.  

 

2.    Be Still

Meditation.  Let’s be honest, you will probably never be at the level of a Tibetan monk in your ability to quiet the mind and meditate, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get the benefits of mediation.  Even simply being quiet and breathing is helpful. And early in the morning it’s easier for you to be quiet because the rest of the world is still asleep.

Benefits—Mediation has so many benefits for your physical and mental health.  To name a few, it helps reduce stress levels.  It increases imagination and creativity.  It increases self-awareness and decreases anxiety.  All of these benefits help you be more productive in the upcoming day.  

 

3.    Expand

Everyone has their way of expanding their mind and growing.  Reading. Journaling. Listening to podcasts.  Try one of these for 15-30 minutes each day. 

Benefits-- Neuroplasticity or brain plasticity is the ability of neural networks in the brain to change through growth and reorganization.  These changes range from individual neurons making new connections to, systematic adjustments like cortical remapping.  Learning new things keeps your brain young and vital and helps your brain make these new connections.

 

4.    Set Intentions

   Setting your intentions is different than meditating.  This means to plan your day or strategize.  I have my clients use their personalized journals to keep themselves on task.  But this can mean anything that you need to set your intentions for the day—do you want to be more mindful, or more healthy?  Do you need to chart out your chores or tasks for the day?  Some people just set their intention for the day with a simple affirmation or mantra. Whatever “speaks” to you, is how you should accomplish setting your intentions.  I believe that goal setting is the first step to being successful—the focus is on the future.  But setting intentions is about truly living your “awake” life—because the focus is on you and how your values shape your life.

    Benefits—setting goals helps you with an overall sense of mental well being. It  also gives you long-term and short-term motivation.  You organize yourself and keep yourself focused.  By outlining your goals, you are more able to achieve them.  

 

5.    Be Selfish

All my clients have a section in their journal to write down the one thing they did just for themselves every single day.  Sometimes I tell them it’s okay to write “breathe”.  But regardless, waking up early and having a morning routine, allows you to be a little selfish and have a little extra time just for yourself. Whether it’s to drink your coffee slowly. Or watch the sunrise. Take a long, hot shower. Or just sit in quiet. Being an early riser allows you to add in some “you” time and check off some much needed self-care.  

Benefits—Self care is not self-ish.  It’s about making yourself a priority. Being selfish limits your ability to give to others, whereas self-care enhances it.  When you are healthier, you are in a better position to help others.  In addition, adding in a self-care ritual to your morning routine can boost your emotional and physical health and actually help you become more resilient and more stress-free.

 

Stay away from your phone

It goes without saying that we do our morning routine without our devices.  It’s been said that we can change the world or we can look at our devices.  It seems very simple but it’s very profound.  Our devices are amazing.  They keep us connected to information and people and our lives.  But at the same time keep us disconnected from the present.  Keep our devices shut off for the first 30 minutes or even better first hour after you wake up, keeps you focused on your morning routine and not run astray of the benefits of your “awake” time.

         Did you know that 80% of all smartphone users check their phones within 15 minutes of waking up every morning?  This disrupts your chances of starting the day with a calm mind and according to Dr. Nikole Benders-Hadi, a psychiatrist, “immediately turning to your phone when you wake up can start your day off in a way that is more likely to increase stress and leave you feeling overwhelmed.”

 

So, no one is saying that the ONLY way to be successful in life or in your day is to wake up before the sun, but…..why not try it?  There are scientifically proven benefits of waking up early in those dark, pre-dawn hours before most of the world stirs…..so why not take advantage of it?  Figure out if being awake (with me) and opening your eyes bright and early helps you see better and be more awake in your life.  What do you have to lose (except a few zzzzz’s)?

 

Other articles to read:

https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/article/getting-5am-key-success/

https://www.nu.nl/files/IDC-Facebook%20Always%20Connected%20(1).pdf

https://www.inc.com/marla-tabaka/setting-goals-isnt-enough-setting-daily-intentions-will-change-your-life.html

 

 

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.  And visit her blog-- https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

5 Habits YOU Need to Embrace Right Now

5 Habits YOU Need to Embrace Right Now

(Not in 2 weeks. Not when this pandemic is over. Like right this second.)

 

1.    Have a Morning Routine

I know, I know.  Mornings suck.  I am a recovering insomniac and terrible sleeper.  Mornings used to come way too early for me.  But starting this year (so for only a few months now), I wake up early and have a morning routine.  It’s life changing in the very best way.  

All successful people have some sort of a morning routine. (go ahead.  Look it up.  I’ll wait).  And this is why—b/c when you own the morning, you own the day.  And if you own the day, you own the week.  And so on, and so on….When you don’t have to rush and throw on clothes in a panic and 

Start slow. Maybe just 15 minutes so you’re not in a rush.  Just enough to drink your coffee slowly.  This morning routine is just for you.  So don’t wake up early to do a chore.  Do something for yourself. Maybe sit quietly.  Maybe exercise even if that is just some stretching.  

Or maybe you do what I do—wake up at least an hour early so you can watch the sunrise and meditate and plan for the day.  I absolutely love my mornings now.  I literally don’t know how I ever got anything done before I made this a habit.  If a reformed lover of the “snooze” button can jump out of bed while it’s still dark with a smile, you can too. 

 

2.    Choose Your Words  Wisely

Words have infinite power.  We normally think about the affect our words have on other people. But words have a huge affect on ourselves even when we don’t even say them out loud.  

At some  point you’ll have heard the cliché “50 words for snow”, whether it’s a meme about language or the song by Kate  Bush or if you’re a linguist geek (like me) from the anthropologist Franz  Boas[1].  But either  way, the concept is that there are so many ways  to describe “snow” that Eskimos put an importance  on the descriptions that they have come to create at least 50 words to do so.  Think about that—what’s so  important to you that you need at least 50 ways  to describe it?  Or what about the idea that some words just don’t translate from country to country because certain concepts don’t “translate” in different cultures.  (The Italian word Abbiocco means the drowsiness that follows eating a big meal or Dolce far niente which loosely means a  feeling that combines leisure, idleness and laziness all at once).  But we don’t  have a similar words in the United  States—probably because we don’t put importance on slowing down and  just enjoying.  But now think about how many words we have to describe “stress” (i.e. pressure, tension, strain, worry, anxiety, distress, suffering, strain, trauma, etc. etc. etc.)  This just goes to show you how words shape how we view things as a culture.

But even more importantly, words can also shape how we view ourselves.  I have a fundamental concept that I live by—the body listens to everything the mind tells it.  Let’s say  that again out loud. (Go ahead, I’ll wait.)  If you can master that idea, you’ll be way ahead of the pack.  Here are a few ways I’ve changed my  own words to myself to further that belief.

I no longer say  the words can’t or cannot.  Instead of saying I can’t do a particular yoga pose or can’t cook, I say I’m still working on my handstand or I’m still working on mastering souffles.  Because when my body  hears my mind telling it that it can’t do something, my body already starts to shut down and not even try.  

I ask myself better questions.  When I realize that I’m stuck or having difficulty, I used to ask myself—what am I doing wrong? With that question, it’s easy to list off a laundry  list of faults and failures.  Now, instead, I ask myself “what can I do today to make things better?”  In that sense, I focus on the positive of what I have to do vs the negative of what has kept me back.  

I have a theme song.  I know, it seems silly.  But the next time you go to a baseball game, see how many of the players have a song that plays when it’s their turn to bat.  Their song is meant to pump them up and fire them up  to play better.  It’s fundamental, but it really  works.  Sometimes I don’t need an entire song, sometimes it’s a word or mantra that I play over and over and over again in my head. Simple mantras include “I am”  “I can”, “I  believe in myself”, “I choose happiness”, etc.  Repeating simple phrases not only fills your head with good words vs negative words but it also helps you focus on what you are trying to accomplish.

 

3.    Think Like a Billionaire

What? Doesn’t everyone talk to billionaires?  Well, actually, I was listening to a podcast where John Demartni was talking about the secrets of billionaires.  This is my favorite one and so true—wealthy people don’t spend money to buy consumables they spend money to make more money.  And even more to that point, wealthy people don’t borrow money (as in credit cards) for things that depreciate.  That means, I know you love those CL’s and LV purse, but if you don’t have the money, you shouldn’t be buying them.  <ducks to avoid all the virtual stuff being thrown>. Now, on the other hand, if you borrow money to go to school or get more training or invest—that’s okay.  But buying an item on credit for something that depreciates the minute you walk out the store (or drive it off the lot) is not a habit that wealthy people do.  They buy those things in cash—and only if they are debt free.  

I quick way that I save money is to sweep 20% of everything I make into a savings. But I am self-employed so it’s my way of doing a self check.  But I didn’t always have such discipline.  When I started my law practice, there were months I was worried that I wouldn’t make any money and wouldn’t be able to pay my bills.  I had student loans and credit card debt and saving was the like for real grown ups.  But my way of saving back then was to get myself out of debt.  Blah. Boring.  But you know what—it worked.  And then I could do some real work to build wealth.  

It’s the baby steps.  Limit your extra spending.  Pay off that credit card.  Keep the car for a little longer before you get another car note.  Make saving a priority.  Soon it will become a habit.  One that will only continue to “work” for you. 

 

4.    Being Grateful

I’m sure you’ve heard this many times before—"be thankful for what you have” or “count your blessing”. But truth is, having a gratitude practice changes your brain and makes you happier and less likely to be depressed. Most studies show that gratitude is helpful for well-functioning people.  But in one study from Berkley, the researchers found that gratitude can be beneficial for people who struggle with mental health concerns. [2]

So, how does gratitude make us happier?  It’s not just about being positive (hint: it’s about not being so negative). Gratitude keeps us from being negative.  When we have a gratitude journal or gratitude practice that includes writing, the same Berkley study showed that the participants who used less negative words and more inclusive words like “we” were the ones that were happier.  Gratitude helps us focus on the positive rather than ruminate on the negative.

How long does a gratitude practice take to feel the effects?  Many studies show that having a gratitude practice works pretty quickly.  However, even more interesting is that the practice of gratitude actually gets greater with time.  So the good news is gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving.

And in a follow up study[3], researchers found that practicing gratitude may help train the brain to be more sensitive to the experience of gratitude in the future and contribute to improved mental health over time.

 

5.    Know What you Want  (Goal Setting)

How do you know what you want if you don’t know what you want.  And what I mean by setting goals is two-fold:  (1) you need to be specific.  Don’t just say I want to be rich, say you want to have $____ in the bank.  And (2) shoot big with those goals.  I mean shoot big and make it long term—not just that you want to organize your closet or learn to cook gumbo. (both of which are great goals btw).  I’m talking about goals like—I want to buy  a new house with a closet that is as big as my bedroom and I want to be the head chef at Spago or Joel Robuchon. BIG really  BIG.  

And once you know what you are aiming for, it’s a lot easier to take those steps to get there. Because defining goals triggers action.  That means having clear and compelling goals motivate you into making them happen.

I once asked a friend who was unemployed what kind of job she wanted.  She responded with “the paying kind”.  I said but like—tell me more.  And to my surprise, that’s really all she had.  I told her she needs to write down what she was really wanting because how else will she know when it comes along?  At first she was confused but then that’s exactly what she did.  I mean, how is the universe going to send you something if you don’t even know what you want?  Now, I don’t need you to believe in whether or not the universe will hand you over your dreams on a silver platter in order for it to happen. But you do need to know exactly what you want to accomplish before you can accomplish it.  Try it.  See if it doesn’t make you put in an effort to focus and try to narrow down what you really desire.  And then…..make it happen.

These 5 simple habits are life changing.  We are in a strange predicament where it almost seems like time stands still yet we have so much time on our hands.  Modifying your behavior and incorporating these 5 little habits can begin to "unstuck" you and get you motivated to make big strides in your life.  What do you have to lose?  

 

 

 

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator.   She is also a certified yoga instructor (R.Y.T.-200)  and has been practicing yoga for about 4 years now.  She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce or transitional coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or www.texasyogalawyer.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.  And visit her blog-- https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com

 

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[1] For more on Franz Boas, see “The Passion of Franz Boas”  by  Herbert S. Lewis, American Anthropologist, Vol. 103, No. 2 (Jun., 2001)

[2] Y. Joel Wong, Jesse Owen, Nicole T. Gabana, Joshua W. Brown, Sydney McInnis, Paul toth & Lynn Gilman (2018 Does gratitude writing improve the mental health of psychotherapy clients? Evidence from a. Randomized controlled trial, Psychotherapy Research, 28:2, 192-202, DOI: 10.1080/10503307.2016.1169332

[3] Id.

Everything I need to know I Learned in Yoga...Part 2

Everything I  Need to Know I Learned in Yoga: How I transformed my life with yoga, even if you’re not down, dog.

 Forward

I went to my first yoga class when I was 44 years old.  I never thought yoga was for me.  In fact, I was pretty sure that yoga was only for 22 year olds or size 2 ladies who lunch.  That’s what I told my friend Michelle when she suggested I try a class.  I remember telling her, “I don’t think I’m flexible enough to go to yoga.”  To which she said, “Flexibility is not a requirement, it is a result.”  Now, being a lawyer (and a pretty good one at that), I can argue pretty much any side of the argument.  But truth is—I had no comeback to her comment.  So on a day in September 2016, I put on my only pair of yoga pants a tank top, grabbed my $25 dollar yoga mat recently purchased from amazon and made myself as small as I could in the back of a yoga class in a suburb of Houston, Texas.  I tried my best to be invisible and not make a fool out of myself.  I remember slipping and sliding off my mat and looking up every three seconds to make sure that I was doing it “right” all the while pulling and tugging at my yoga pants and tank top to readjust my wardrobe malfunctions.  But I made it through the 75 minutes and didn’t die of embarrassment or some freak bending accident.  And even better—I went back.  

In the first few months, I thought to myself—this is totally for me.  I’m competitive with myself and I like to push myself.  I learned some pretty difficult poses in a very short period of time—i.e. wheel, crow and even headstand.  When people told me they had been working on those poses for years, I thought to myself “I knew it, I’ve got this!”  But then I started to really “get” yoga.  And by that I mean, I got that it’s not about rushing through poses or about the “destination” but rather it’s about the journey.  I started to learn to slow down and let the process happen vs trying to force it and check something off my “yoga list”.  

I learned so much in my journey through yoga.  Not at all what I expected to learn and yet so much more.  I know it sounds cliché but yoga has literally changed my life.  I “get” that I need to slow down.  I “get” that I need to throw out all my expectations for myself.  I now joke that it took me almost 3 years to go 3 inches (in my split) and I’m okay with that speed.  Never did this type-A, overachiever, first born, self-centered, impatient, out-spoken divorce lawyer think that yoga would be the best thing to ever happen to her.  But here we are….and here is my journey….

I Posted Part 1 already.  This is Part 2:

11.    Balance

When I was a baby lawyer, my friend and mentor Linda told me I can be a lawyer, wife and mother but on any given day, I’ll can only  do 2 of those things well.  It took me years to understand what she meant.  I thought she was telling me that I won’t always measure up.  Or that I would have to drop the ball on one of my “duties” on any given day.  But what she really meant was that it’s okay to not be 100% at every single thing every single day.  And to not beat up myself because of it.  

It’s the same thing in yoga.  There are days where you do the very BEST warrior 3 and transition to half moon like an Instagram pro.  And then there are days when you wobble in mountain.  No two days are exactly alike.  And just because you can do it one day, doesn’t mean you can do it again the next day or ever again.  And that’s okay.  

And  that’s what I learned in yoga.  I learned that balance is not about doing it all, it’s about doing it and showing up again the next day and trying again. And if you can’t do it, not to feel guilty or punish yourself for not being “perfect”.  See what Linda was  telling me but I didn’t really get until after yoga was that balance is  not  about being at 100% at every single thing every single day.  It’s about coming back and doing it again the next  day and  the next  and  the next and the next….

12.    You need a Strong Core

In life, I think the people that I look up to and admire the most are the people who have a good sense of self and know what their core beliefs are and are not afraid to stand up for them and live those beliefs each day.  I always thought those people had this amazing ability that I was lacking.  I had to 

In yoga class, I thought I could do all these difficult poses because I had strong quads and strong triceps.  No problem!  Except that I can have strong everything but if my core is not strong enough, there’s no way I’m doing that headstand or that flying position.  It all comes back to the core.  When you have a strong core in yoga, you have your foundation and can branch out.  You realize that with time, your core gets stronger and stronger.  And that your core is the center of all that you do.

And  that’s what I learned in yoga, that when you actually write down or identify what your own core beliefs are, it’s not so hard to live them every day. Having known core beliefs allows you to approach every difficult situation with integrity and sureness.  It makes it such that you don’t feel like the path before you is a hard one rather it makes it seem like you have sign posts and street lights pointing you in the “right” direction at all times. And once you have a tried and true direction, you realize it only gets easier and easier to make decisions.  And you realize that your beliefs get stronger and stronger with use.

13.    Mountains

Being from  New Orleans, I don’t get to see mountains on  a regular basis.  (I mean, at all.  You have to be on  an interstate overpass in New Orleans to actually be at sea level there.) But starting about  age 7, my extended family started going to Colorado for summer vacation.  I remember  seeing giant mountains peaked with pointy rocks and sprinkled with  snow  and thinking—wow! This may   be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  I’m pretty sure going to Colorado  and hiking each summer was the basis for my love  of geology (which I took in college and to  this day, think  I’m part geologist/admirer of all rocks  and shiny things).  While I was fascinated by mountains, I still didn’t think they did anything.   They just “were”.

When I first took yoga and was told to be in  mountain  pose, I’m pretty sure  I rolled my eyes  so loudly the entire class could hear me. I thought to myself—"this   is yoga?  Ummm…I’m pretty sure this is called ‘standing’”.  And I wanted to giggle every time an instructor would  have us do this “pose”.  But I complied.  For about 2 years.  Then, after about 2  years of practice (and lots of extra training and listening  and research and letting it all sink  in), I realized what  and why mountain  pose was important.  It’s to center us.  To ground us. 

And  that’s what mountain  pose in yoga taught me.  You  can just  “be”  and it have an impact.  Mountains  are  majestic and powerful.  They  are awe inspiring. They are  grounded in  the earth and reach  for the  clouds without moving.  I’ve learned I can be the same.  You can have a dynamic presence just by being you.  You can  fill up  a room just from  walking in the room.  You can be all those things  when you find yourself grounding in the earth and reaching towards the stars in your every day  life. 

14.    Get twisted, sister!

In life, getting  all twisted  means that you are stressed and confounded.  Well, it used to.   Now the new definition  is  to be mistaken—as in  “don’t get it twisted”.   But either  way, being twisted whether it’s yourself, your hair, wire, etc.  It means to  be tangled and restrictive.

In  Yoga, getting  twisted is a good thing.  There’s some scientific evidence that twisting  poses are good for us in that they improve circulation  (not  necessarily that twisting poses detox our organs).  But there’s another benefit that twisting positions help—they  actually  untangle  us.   They  lengthen our torso so we can  stand  taller, have better posture  and breathe deeper.  By tangling our bodies we are untangling them at  the same time.

And  that’s a side benefit of what yoga has done for  me.  Yoga has gotten  me  to realize that you can do  something that may seem like it’s not right for you  and it be exactly what  you need.  Yoga has helped  me to realize that I don’t know  everything.  That I sometimes have to let go  and just do  what’s in front of  me rather than fight it.   I never realized crunching myself  up would be a way to make me uncrunch  myself.  Yoga has me seeing in  different perspectives.  And I’m  so  thankful for this gift that yoga has brought  to me.

15.    You are a warrior

I joke that as a kid,  my parents let  us be feral  and raise ourselves.  So from the very  beginning it was “eat or be eaten”.  I had  to learn to get in  and fight for myself.  And then I went to law school.  That’s where it got even worse.  That’s where you had to do better than the person  sitting next to  you because grades were on  a  curve.  There were no  “A’s”, it was whomever  did the “best”.  And  even  if you technically  “passed” a class, you could  fail if you happen  to fall in the bottom 30%.  I feel like all of this prepared me to be a “fighter”.  To  be better than…xyz.  To prevail.  But there’s a difference between being  a fighter and  being a warrior.

When I started yoga, warrior II seemed like a very  basic pose.  Not too hard at all.  Let me just rush through it to get  to a pose  that actually  made me have to  “do something”.  It wasn’t until I had been practicing for over a year and went  back  to take a gentle/basic class  and had  to hold Warrior II for more than just a breath.  It felt powerful.  It felt strong. It felt heroic.

And that’s what yoga taught  me.  It taught  me  that being  a warrior is not just about being a fighter, it’s  about being brave  and bold and daring.   But  being a  warrior is also when you slow down and focus inwards.  It’s not  always  about fighting  and winning.  It’s about being proud of what you do and being courageous enough to take the risk.

16.    Sometimes you need props

When we are young, we have no shame that we need training wheels.  But at some point, we “graduate” and are supposed to have it all figured out.  Like the baby bird that gets kicked out of the nest.  In my real life, it’s hard to ask for help.  I have this idea that I need to be on my top game all the time.

I felt the same way when I started yoga. I thought, hey, I can do this pose.  I don’t need to use blocks or a strap—those are for the people who can’t do it the “right way”.  But I realized that there are some days, it’s harder to get into that pose without a little help.

And that’s what yoga taught me, that we ALL need props sometimes.  Sometimes we need that little extra to get us where we need to get.  And it’s okay if the day before we didn’t need them.  We shouldn’t feel badly for not be perfect.  We shouldn’t feel shame for needing help.  That’s the purpose of the “props”, they are there to help on days we need them.    

17.    It’s a practice not a performance

Growing  up, I  felt like I was always putting  on  a show.  Maybe it’s because my family is a bunch of entertainers  (not literally  or anything but they are definitely the life  of  parties).  And I  studied acting in HS and was completely enthralled  by theater so I’m sure that contributed  to my flair for  the dramatics.  Oh  yeah, and my profession.  My profession definitely amped up my  need to take   dramatic pauses and wax poetically as if I’m forever impassionedly arguing  for a (non-existent) jury.  

So when I started yoga, I naturally thought yoga class was a place to show off all your skills.  Like—ALL of them.  So I bought hundreds of dollars of designer yoga gear and headed to  the stage—I mean yoga studio.  Where I assumed everyone watched everyone and silently critiqued  or applauded the  rest of the class.  I   was certain that every wrong  arch of  my back or missed toe  point would  be discussed in a secret yoga  mean girl back room.  But  then I realized (after just  a few weeks  thank  goodness)  that no one cared what I was doing.  Everyone in the class was focused on  what they were  doing that day and  could care less how  many times  I mistook  my left side for my right  (probably at least twice).  

I realized that yoga  is the kind of practice that actually takes  a   lot  of  practice.   And  even  if you master a pose, in order to maintain it  you  have  to  work  at  it.   And  to work at it, you  have  to focus on what you are doing  and not what everyone  else is up  to.   And in yoga class they celebrate your victories—not revel in your failures.  No one (well I hate absolutes but…) wants to see you face plant  in  your crow attempt.  No one goes to yoga class to watch their fellow students make mistakes.  And I realized that yoga class is an uplifting and forgiving place.  And  I try so hard to let that beautiful accepting part of  yoga spill over to other  parts of my life.  Yoga has truly  changed the way I “perform”.  I now accept  that because I’m still a work  in  progress, I extend that philosophy  to everyone else and not judge me or them  so harshly.

18.    Regret and Yoga are 4  letter words  (Well, a 6 letter word,  but you know what  I mean).

There are so many times I just feel like I  can’t get  motivated and I miss out on  something.  But then  I regret that  I didn’t do it.   And having 3 active kids and a full  time  job, makes it even harder to carve out time for myself.  I’ve always liked to work  out but not loved it.  So  it  was hit  or miss most of my life.

When  I got in  the groove of things with yoga (after my first  month  or  so), it was  the first time in my life  (and  remember, I’m pretty old) that I loved exercise.  I mean loved it.  I looked forward to it.  I needed it.  I couldn’t get enough.  And even on  those  days that I was tired or had so much to do or hungover (what?) or just plain lazy, I  still showed  up to class.  And  it was absolutely  the  best part of  my  day.  (sorry family).  

And  that’s what I learned from yoga.   That regret was really  a bad word.  And  while trying to make the  decision  to go  to yoga class or not, the worst thing  I could  do is  not go.  And  so I started bringing that into my  life as well.  Reminding myself that once  I’m in class, the only thing  I’d really be regretting is if I wasn’t  there.  And so  I started doing lots of new  things and reminding  myself that once  I’m “there” or once I’m  doing the new thing, I don’t regret being there.  

19.    What’s your intention?

Most people go through their  day in a robot like state.  I know I used  to be like that.  Wake up. Shower. Go to work.  Come home. Eat dinner.  Go to bed and  do it all over again  and again and again.  But even in my prior exercises, I felt like I was just getting on the treadmill   and  just doing my routine over and over again without much thought.

When  I  started yoga class, I loved how the yoga instructor would  ask  you to set an  intention.  It’s such a simple little act.   And  at first, I didn’t really  understand the real importance.  But after some  time, I get that when we make  an  intention  we are consciously opening our eyes to ourselves, our bodies and our purpose.

And  that  is what yoga taught  me—that there is a real purpose in  even the simplest of things.  When  we make an intention, we intend to do something.  And when  we intend to do something, we are more likely  to accomplish it—rather than just go  through the motions.  It’s amazing that just making an intention can make you more  efficient,  more  productive, and more aware.  I  now start every single day with  an  intention.  With a purpose.  With  a goal in mind.  It’s such a powerful way to live  and all because  of yoga class.

20.Corpse Pose

I’m  pretty sure I’ve said many many times in my life that I’m dead tired or I’m  dead  to the world or that I slept like  the dead.   But actually wanting  to behave as if I’m lying  in a  coffin –well—seems really really bizarre (and  I’m  from  New Orleans and people do stuff like that).  

And  when I started yoga, I remember  thinking—corpse pose?  Isn’t that a  little  morbid?  Little  did I know, that after about a year (okay, so I’m a  slow learner), being “dead” was what kept bringing me back  to yoga.  

And  that’s what I learned from yoga, that to feel alive and be “woke”, you  need  a little corpse pose.   You need  to be still  and quiet (like the  dead) in  order  to live.  Again, it’s a simple simple concept that really didn’t resonate in me until so late in  life and only after I really accepted yoga and  my yoga practice.  

Look for part 3 soon.

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce or transitional coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.  And visit her blog--https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com