Everything I need to Know I Learned in Yoga

Everything I need to Know I Learned in Yoga:  How to Transform your Life with Yoga (Even if You’re Not Down Dog).

 Forward

I went to my first yoga class when I was 44 years old.  I never thought yoga was for me.  In fact, I was pretty sure that yoga was only for 22 year olds or size 2 ladies who lunch.  That’s what I told my friend Michelle when she suggested I try a class.  I remember telling her, “I don’t think I’m flexible enough to go to yoga.”  To which she said, “Flexibility is not a requirement, it is a result.”  Now, being a lawyer (and a pretty good one at that), I can argue pretty much any side of the argument.  But truth is—I had no comeback to her comment.  So on a day in September 2016, I put on my only pair of yoga pants a tank top, grabbed my $25 dollar yoga mat recently purchased from amazon and made myself as small as I could in the back of a yoga class in a suburb of Houston, Texas.  I tried my best to be invisible and not make a fool out of myself.  I remember slipping and sliding off my mat and looking up every three seconds to make sure that I was doing it “right” all the while pulling and tugging at my yoga pants and tank top to readjust my wardrobe malfunctions.  But I made it through the 75 minutes and didn’t die of embarrassment or some freak bending accident.  And even better—I went back.  

In the first few months, I thought to myself—this is totally for me.  I’m competitive with myself and I like to push myself.  I learned some pretty difficult poses in a very short period of time—i.e. wheel, crow and even headstand.  When people told me they had been working on those poses for years, I thought to myself “I knew it, I’ve got this!”  But then I started to really “get” yoga.  And by that I mean, I got that it’s not about rushing through poses or about the “destination” but rather it’s about the journey.  I started to learn to slow down and let the process happen vs trying to force it and check something off my “yoga list”.  

I learned so much in my journey through yoga.  Not at all what I expected to learn and yet so much more.  I know it sounds cliché but yoga has literally changed my life.  I “get” that I need to slow down.  I “get” that I need to throw out all my expectations for myself.  I now joke that it took me almost 3 years to go 3 inches (in my split) and I’m okay with that speed.  Never did this type-A, overachiever, first born, self-centered, impatient, out-spoken divorce lawyer think that yoga would be the best thing to ever happen to her.  But here we are….and here is my journey….

1.    Don’t Forget to Breathe

I can’t tell you how many times I find myself holding my breath as if I’m about to swim the Atlantic Ocean.  It gets “stuck” in my chest as I am doing a complicated task or anxiously waiting for an answer or response.  It makes my face get all twisted and I look pained.  I catch myself so many times realizing that I’m holding onto my breath like this.  I have literally had to remind myself to breathe.  And I’m not talking about taking in oxygen, we all know our bodies won’t let us hold our breath for real.  I mean, really breathe.  Take in a huge gulp of air and fill my lungs.  I know it sounds cliché to say I need to take a deep breath but it really works. 

I constantly hold my breath in yoga class.  I’m so focused on a pose or not falling over, that I hold onto my breath.  I have to train myself to use my breath in my pose rather than keep it all tight in my chest.  Not only does it give me the needed oxygen that I need to keep that pose, it also let’s me deepen into the pose and breath into the parts of my body that are causing me to be so tight in the first place.

So I use my yoga breath work and philosophy in real life.  I remember to breathe.  And I’m not talking about just taking in oxygen, we all know our bodies won’t let us hold our breath for real.  I mean, really breathe.  Take in a huge gulp of air and fill your lungs.  Breathe from way down in your belly and not let it just sit in your chest.  I know it sounds cliché to say I need to take a deep breath but it really works.  

2.    You need to Show up on the Mat

So many times in life, I’ve thought street smarts or my words or my work ethic could get me where I need to be.  And I could do it quicker or easier b/c of my “skills”.  What I didn’t realize until law school is that while I may have been able to make good grades with very little effort, it all catches up to you when you’re in a room full of people who are used to making straight A’s.  So now, I have to study and work at it. I can’t just “wing” it anymore.

When I started yoga, I made huge progress in a short period of time.  Wheel pose in 3 weeks.  Crow pose in a month.  Head stand in 3 months.  I was on fire.  It was like I was back in 3^rd grade with Mrs. Moll when I won the prize for getting through the multiplication tables in record time.  And then I came to a screeching halt.  Why is it taking so long for me to “master” my split?  Why haven’t I checked off ALL of my Pinterest yoga poses by now?  Why can’t I just try one time to do side crow?  Why is baby grasshopper pose alluding me?  I felt like because I was flexible and had some strength, I should be able to do every pose I set my mind to and in record time.  It took me about 2 years (yep,  I’m not as fast of a learner as I thought) that what I need to do to progress is just show up.  I need to be there.  I need to build on what I learned yesterday.  I don’t get to read the first page of the book and then skip to the last page.  I have to put in the time.  I need to do it consistently and regularly.  Yoga is not like riding a bike.  Yoga does not come easily and you can’t just pick back up where you left off.  Doing yoga is about building on the day before and the day before and the day before that.  You need to show up on the mat.  Even if today was not like yesterday—you still show up. That is what makes yoga poses happen.  

So I’ve taken that philosophy and applied it to life.  I show up.  I show up for my career.  I show up at being a mom.  I show up for being a wife and a friend.  And I’m not always good all those things on any given day.  But at least I show up.  And by showing up I can work on it.  And eventually get that Pinterest perfect pose….well….maybe.  

3.    Learn to Lead with your Heart

I’m in a tough business.  So I’ve had to learn to keep my emotions in check.  So many times where I’ve seen families hurt.  Or children being abused.  Or bad things happen in court that has lasting affects.  There have been a few times in my career where I literally thought “I just can’t do this anymore. It’s just too hard.”  And after the second or third time you see that kind of sad and hurt, it makes you harder.  It makes you put up a wall.

In yoga it’s really easy to round your shoulders and protect your chest or move forward with your head.  But so many poses need you to open your heart.  And then lead with it.  What helps is that in yoga you constantly put your hands at heart center—as in the center of you is your heart.

Yoga taught me that by changing the way you move, you can make a pose shine. Because leading with your heart makes your heart shine.  And when you shine, you feel your heart.  And feeling your heart is a good thing—even if you make venerable.  Because I’ve learned that venerable does not mean weak.  And I can take that into my real life and remember that too.   

4.    Some Days you might Fart

Everyone farts.  Every. Single. Person.  A normal healthy person farts between 14-23 times every single day.  (Just so you know, I had to look that one up).  So why is it that we are so embarrassed when it happens to us?  Because of the narrative we tell ourselves that we have to be put together all the time.  Women even more so.  Our hair and make up and clothes need to be on point at all times.  Or we are in positions of power so we can’t show weakness.  This is another  narrative we tell ourselves.  But the fact is—we don’t.  No one expects us to be “perfect” (especially since there is no such thing).  But we still keep telling ourselves that we can’t let anyone see us in any other form except at 100%. Yoga has taught me that we don’t need to beat ourselves up so much.  

It was my sheer fear that I was going to fart or fall on my face in yoga class.  Guess what?  I’ve done both.  So what? I’m pretty sure every other person in my class has too.  In fact, that’s usually one of the first things non-yoga people ask—I don’t want to go because I’m afraid I will (fill in the blank).  And they are right.  And wrong at the same time.  They are right because you will do what you think you will do. But they are wrong because you realize, you don’t need to be afraid of it. 

Because  what I’ve learned is that in yoga class, there is no judgment.  And that’s how it should be in real life.  Stop worrying about what other people think of you and just be you.  Imagine that.  Imagine getting to live without looking over your shoulder or looking in the mirror.  Just being you—warts and farts and all.  

5.    Every Body is Different

My entire life I’ve compared myself to others.  My siblings who had jobs or kids before me.  My father who also practices law.  My cousin who went to a better college than me and is still the same size she was in HS.  My colleagues who make more money or have more clients or better cars.  My friends who have fancy jobs or live in better neighborhoods or….I can go on and on.  It’s the entire notion of not only keeping up with the Joneses but feeling badly about yourself and what you’ve accomplished because you are in competition with everyone else.

I used to do the same thing in yoga.  Look at Laura—she can do pigeon way better than me.  Look at Amy—she is so much stronger than me. Look at Nancy—there’s no way I’ll ever be able to do that.  I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me.  And pointing out in my head all my shortcomings.     

And then I “got” it.  I got that not only is everybody different, every body is different.  My body is not supposed to do what Laura’s can or Amy’s.  My body doesn’t need to do what it did last year or last month or even yesterday.  I learned My body does what it needs to do for me at the time I need it to.  And my body is there like—"hey girl, we’ll get there.” (I imagine my body talking like Ryan Gosling Jr. so….).  And no one else in yoga class or in real life needs to be comparing themselves to me b/c what they need from their body is not the same as I need.  It boils down to this—the only person you are in competition with is yourself yesterday. 

6.    You need to be Flexible

I’ve always thought being flexible was part of my job description.  Meaning, I can be hired to argue either side of a case so I have to be flexible. But that was not really the case.  I found that I still had to work on being flexible and seeing things in a different way.  I thought I started to be able to see that when I primarily became a mediator—I had to see the same issue from all different directions and not just pick one.          

 In yoga, I thought being flexible just meant touching your toes or doing a split.  It’s not.  Being flexible in yoga is being aware of all that your body can do and being supple and pliable but not going to the point that you hurt yourself. 

And that’s what I learned about flexibility in yoga class.  Because I learned what “flexibility” really means.  See, I thought being flexible means to be easily modified.  But the true meaning of being flexible is “being capable of bending easily without breaking”.  The last part “without breaking” was the part that yoga taught me.  That we are tasked quite often to do things that take a lot out of us, but if we have the right stuff within us, we won’t break no matter how difficult a situation we are faced with.   

7.    You are Stronger than you Think

I love to be challenged—in my career and in pretty much everything that I try.  However, I find myself only trying things that I think I’ll be good at.  It’s as if I work hard at playing it safe.  Or at least play hard at things that are safe.  So, when I have to try something that I’m not sure about, I think I’m not strong enough.  And that happens a lot. 

In yoga, you’ll be in a pose and think, how am I going to do the next step and then you just do.  In yoga, you don’t always have time to “think”, you just have to “do”. And our bodies just respond.  Because our bodies know we are strong.  Our bodies don’t doubt—only our minds do.  That’s what happens when we think too much about something. 

And that’s what yoga has really taught me—that in yoga class you just “do”.  Our bodies don’t doubt—only our minds do.  That’s what happens when we think too much about something. So instead of playing it safe all the time, I just try and do.  I stop letting my mind mess things up too much.  I start off with “why can’t I do this?” vs. “I’m sure I can’t do this.” And I remember how strong I am because my body wants me to be strong and “do” all the time. 

8.    Drop and give me Zen

In my real life, I would tell you that I’m most productive when you give me 100 things to do.  Muti-tasking is my legal middle name. (Don’t look it up, it’s not.  I just said it to make a point.). My motto was “keep me happy by keeping me busy”.  (That part was real, FYI).  Working out for me used to be on a treadmill where I can watch a TV show, look at my phone and send emails and play candycrush all at the same time.  (It’s possible. Trust me).                        

When I started yoga class, I remember thinking, “holy crap, I have to be without my phone for 75 minutes? No way.  Thank goodness I have my apple watch.”  I can’t believe I’m going to admit to this but I would actually text from my watch in the middle of yoga class.  I know, I know.  That’s how ridiculous I used to be.  It was hard to turn it all off.

But then I started to make the connection of what it means to be “zen”.  I used to think that being zen was just taking away from me being productive.  But yoga taught me that when you are zen and quiet, it actually makes you more productive.  The idea that when you do 10 things at once, you’re not giving any of it all your attention.  You’re essentially half-assing it. But when you slow down a little, you focus.  You pay attention.  You read each word in your client’s email.  You only have to do the “chore” once because you are present.  You don’t have to ask your kid to repeat what they just asked you because you are also sending an email at the same time.  You are in the moment. Not thinking of what the last moment was or anticipating the next moment.  Just present. Ahhhh....

9.    Namaste and all that

At work, it’s difficult to be on opposite sides of a case and remain friendly and respectful with your colleagues at all times.  We often get personally involved in our cases and take up the “crusade” of our clients.  (Especially in my field—divorce law.  Or maybe I should say, “especially me”).  But even in the real world, it’s hard to show up every day and be friendly and kind.  Especially to people you wouldn’t normally be friends with if you didn’t work with them.

In yoga, you can find yourself discouraged by the fact that today you didn’t do a pose as well as you normally do.  Or your balance is off. Or you’re tired and a little sore.  Or you just feel like everyone else knows what they are doing and you don’t.  You think you don’t “belong” in this class. But in yoga class, we say “namaste” at the end of each class.  When we say namaste, I am reminded that even despite those “short comings” you are feeling, my fellow students and my yoga instructor is still finding the light in me and honoring it.  It’s a very powerful feeling.      

That’s what yoga has taught me, that you bow to the divine in others.  Think about what that means.  First, you acknowledge and see the other person.  Second, you not only look for but know there is divine in the other person. And Third, you bow to that part of them—you revere them.  How amazing is that?  Someone praises the wonder in me and acknowledges that we are one with the universe and each other. And I get that every time I go.  It’s humbling but also great.  It makes me remember that my colleagues are doing the best they can and we are all out there trying to do our jobs.  And while there are days I want to shoot the finger at opposing counsel rather than bow to them, I have reminded myself that I can “namaste” anyone because I can find good in all. 

10.Savasana is the Bomb

In life, I used to tell people that I never have time to….. (fill in the blank).  I was literally working 7 days a week 10 hours plus a day.  In fact, I rarely had time to do much else.  And I didn’t want to.  Rest is for the weak, right?  That’s how I used to think. 

When I first started yoga class, I use Savasana as my time to just stop twisting or moving or bending.  I needed it to literally “catch my breath”.  Now I think of savasana as my reward.  I think to myself—I can make it 10 more minutes doing XYZ and when I do, I can lie down for a minute and just breathe.  It’s like carrot being dangled in front of me and it keeps me going.  (Carrot may be stretching it.  More like chocolate cake, but who’s keeping track?)                      

I took this part of “savasana” into my real world.  I realized I did have time for a break.  I started looking forward to yoga class as my oasis to all that is distracting to me.  And guess what I found out?  I could still work AND I could take some time for myself.  ((clutches my pearls)).  I know, right?  I now look at it as my “reward” for my hard work rather than taking a break was more work than my work.  And I take breaks to reward myself for the hard work I’ve done all day.  I realize the break is worth it and I am worth it. 

This is just part 1 of all the ways Yoga has changed my life.  Come back to see all the other ways yoga is the best thing I’ve done and why (for me) what I learn in yoga translates beyond the mat.

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing  family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce or transitional coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.  And visit her blog-- https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com.