Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Yoga: How I transformed my life with yoga, even if you’re not down, dog. Part 3
Forward
I went to my first yoga class when I was 44 years old. I never thought yoga was for me. In fact, I was pretty sure that yoga was only for 22 year olds or size 2 ladies who lunch. That’s what I told my friend Michelle when she suggested I try a class. I remember telling her, “I don’t think I’m flexible enough to go to yoga.” To which she said, “Flexibility is not a requirement, it is a result.” Now, being a lawyer (and a pretty good one at that), I can argue pretty much any side of the argument. But truth is—I had no comeback to her comment. So on a day in September 2016, I put on my only pair of yoga pants a tank top, grabbed my $25 dollar yoga mat recently purchased from amazon and made myself as small as I could in the back of a yoga class in a suburb of Houston, Texas. I tried my best to be invisible and not make a fool out of myself. I remember slipping and sliding off my mat and looking up every three seconds to make sure that I was doing it “right” all the while pulling and tugging at my yoga pants and tank top to readjust my wardrobe malfunctions. But I made it through the 75 minutes and didn’t die of embarrassment or some freak bending accident. And even better—I went back.
In the first few months, I thought to myself—this is totally for me. I’m competitive with myself and I like to push myself. I learned some pretty difficult poses in a very short period of time—i.e. wheel, crow and even headstand. When people told me they had been working on those poses for years, I thought to myself “I knew it, I’ve got this!” But then I started to really “get” yoga. And by that I mean, I got that it’s not about rushing through poses or about the “destination” but rather it’s about the journey. I started to learn to slow down and let the process happen vs trying to force it and check something off my “yoga list”.
I learned so much in my journey through yoga. Not at all what I expected to learn and yet so much more. I know it sounds cliché but yoga has literally changed my life. I “get” that I need to slow down. I “get” that I need to throw out all my expectations for myself. I now joke that it took me almost 3 years to go 3 inches (in my split) and I’m okay with that speed. Never did this type-A, overachiever, first born, self-centered, impatient, out-spoken divorce lawyer think that yoga would be the best thing to ever happen to her. But here we are….and here is my journey….
31. Be Generous
For some time now, I’ve wanted to be generous to others as a way of giving back for everything that I have been given. I’m a firm believer that we should “give back” what we take. And for me that has always meant volunteering my time and/or making financial donations. I am thankful that I had certain opportunities in my life and feel that it is my responsibility to give to others that are less fortunate and/or in need. I started volunteering when I was 17 years old and have consistently over the years given my time (whether it’s at Children’s hospitals, pro bono legal work or now in NCL with my daughters passing along the torch). But it wasn’t until I started yoga that I realized maybe there were times that I was the one in need.
In yoga you need to be generous with your breath, your intention your effort and your time. I understood that concept from the start. What I didn’t “get” until years of yoga practice was that I need to be generous with myself. At first, I would go to yoga class a few times a month. Just adding it to my normal workout routine. After months and months, I started to realize that yoga “feeds” your body and your mind. It becomes sustenance for your physical and mental health. Once I got that, I realized that I need to be “generous” with my “helpings” of yoga. I need to go often. So I started putting my yoga classes on my work calendar and scheduling my days around my classes. (This is from a girl who when I was first licensed to practice law--worked 7 days a week, 10-12 hour days and never stopped to workout.) Imagine now that I am making exercise a priority! It’s a 180 degree change. And not only did I see the change from being stingy with my health to being generous, I noticed that if I missed class, I could feel the difference. I literally would crave yoga class.
It took something as simple as 55 minutes of class time to teach me that while being unselfish in my time with others and giving back was not the only lesson that I needed to learn. I needed to learn to be selfish with my needs and generous to myself.
32. Own the Day
Anyone who knows me, knows that this is one of my favorite phrases. It’s my version of “carpe diem” or “just do it” (thanks Nike for the cultural reference). I believe that if you put it out there that you want to make things happen, they will. And I’ve always (and by always, I mean for about the last 20 years or so) been a believer in your ability to put yourself out there and kick some a$$.
So, when I started yoga, that’s exactly what I intended to do—kick some yoga butt. I was determined to master it “all”. Lol, little did I know, that’s not at all what was going to happen. I realized pretty quickly that yoga had a different version of whose backside would be kicked. I had to take a step back and realize that some days, it’s good enough to make it through the class. Yoga reminded me that “owning” something doesn’t also mean “conquering” it. It can also mean “doing your best” or “showing up”. Yoga taught me that I can own the day even when I’m not at 100%.
So now I try to remember to start each day with little expectation and see where it takes me. Yoga has taught me to seize each day as it comes rather than me telling the day how and what I expect from it. It’s been really freeing.
33. It’s not supposed to hurt
I’ve always pushed myself. I’m competitive—with myself and others. I have to admit this but I’ve been banned (for life) from playing Monopoly. It’s so sad but so true. I’m like that with everything I do.
So, when I first started yoga, I thought—I’m supposed to push everything to the limit. But that really hurt me. So much so that I thought I was going to have to have shoulder surgery. And when I was working on poses, I’m like, I need to do this and push through the pain. My yoga instructors were horrified. They would say—“but yoga is not supposed to hurt”. This lesson took me a very long time to figure out. I thought they were just saying those words to me so I wouldn’t injure myself. But I eventually those words sunk in. Yoga is not supposed to “hurt”. Like at all. If it hurts, you’ve gone too far.
That’s what I learned in yoga to help me in real life. Things can be challenging and you can push yourself, but at the end of the day, it shouldn’t hurt. If you wake up every morning and dread going to work, it’s not supposed to be that way. If you yearn for change in your life so much it physically or mentally “hurts” you, you need to make that change. Hurting is not “normal”. Hurting is not what we should be complacent about.
34. Let the floor catch you (part 1)
I used to say (practically my entire life) that my biggest fear is failure. I’m sure all you type A’s out there feel the same way. We tend to worry so much that we will disappoint people or fail that we get lost in the worrying.
In yoga, I would listen in savasana, ‘let the floor catch you’. For years, that meant very little to me. But recently, during the Covid-19 pandemic, I was lying on my yoga mat and heard my instructor say the same phrase she’s said for 3 ½ years to me and it was like a lightening bolt hit me. That doesn’t just mean—lie down and let your body release. It means soooo much more (I almost feel silly that it took me this long to realize the meaning of that phrase). It means, you have support and there is a limit to how far down you can go.
It’s brilliant really. Imagine a person who is terrified of failing that she uses up time to “predict” bad things that can happen. (You realize the person is me, right?). I would plan so much because I wanted to avoid all the “what if’s”. But you know what? There’s only so much “bad” stuff that can happen, right? If I don’t have everything cooked and in “show condition” for my superbowl party—what’s the worst that can happen? There is a “floor” to my “bad stuff”. It’s not like there is an unlimited amount of “failure” that can come out of my one misstep. I need to remember (and it’s still a work in progress) that my floor is proportional to what I’m doing and not this bottomless pit of abyss. But hearing it over and over in yoga class has helped.
35. Let the floor catch you (part 2)
Like I’ve said, I’m practically a professional worrier. Failure is not an option in my work or home life. I was (many days I still ‘am’) one of those people who would spend needless hours worrying about a case or a party or an email I sent.
There is always support—in yoga and in life. The floor is always there to “catch” us and make sure we don’t fall through the center of the earth (in my mind that’s what all this worrying will do to you). And you know what? You should let the floor catch you. You should let the person who asks if you need help, to let them help. You should reach out and delegate tasks (both physical and mental). It’s okay to need people. It’s okay to not be able to do everything yourself. (Did you guys know this your entire lives and I’m just figuring it out? I’m super jealous.). Life we go on even if you don’t make your kids lunches every day in fun and cute shapes. Life will go on even if you don’t plan an elaborate mall scavenger hunt for 30 pre-teens for a birthday party. Life will go on if you don’t decorate for Halloween one year and have the best haunted house in the neighborhood (y’all realize these are all my real life examples, right?). It’s still really hard for me to reach out and ask for help, but at least I do it. That’s progress.
36. Yoga is not just about touching your toes
I used to want to be an actress (not because I’m so dramatic or anything—well, I mean, I am but that’s not the reason why). I wanted to be an actress because I always knew I wanted to practice law. I imagined myself in the shoes of Atticus Finch (from To Kill a Mockingbird) or Billy Flinn in Chicago wowing the crowds and becoming impassioned. Little did I know that the practice of law would be so much more and so much less than I imagined as a teenager when I made the declaration that I was going to be a lawyer one day.
Yoga is not just about touching your toes. But I didn’t know that until after going to yoga class for years. I grasped that yoga is a study and all that. But I didn’t get that yoga is not just about exercise. It’s so much more than exercise and at the same time so much less. Yoga is also about breath work and listening to your body. It’s about meditation (in fact yoga is like a moving meditation). So while there is mastery of the poses in yoga, the true “master” is one that sees how all of yoga works together.
And that’s what yoga taught me about my work.
Practicing law is not all about going to court. In fact, most cases rarely go to court. It’s about sitting there when your client is anxious or scared. Or explaining some convoluted contract. Or helping fight for someone’s freedom. And everything in life can be that way too if we are looking the right way. Being a mom or parent is not just having children. It’s being a nurturer and a caregiver. It’s about be patient and understanding. There is so much more to what we do and who we are than a little screenshot—it’s the whole not just the pieces.
37. Thinking Big
My parents were supportive of me. They didn’t tell me I had limits. I can’t remember being told you “can’t” much growing up. (Please understand that is very different from being told “no”. I was definitely told “no” a lot). As a result, I thought I thought big. At age 12, I would tell people I was going to be a lawyer. And 12 years later, I did just that. When I was a lawyer, I told people I was going to be board certified. And 6 years later, I was. So, I thought this is what thinking big means. That is, until I started doing yoga.
Yoga doesn’t just make me think big, it also makes me think small. By that I mean, yoga doesn’t just make me set big goals for myself it makes me set small ones too. I have a yoga vision board. I have a spreadsheet of yoga poses/stretches that I do every day (I apologize for how geeky that makes me seem. But hey, it’s the truth). I realized that yoga makes me not just set goals for the future but for every single day. I can’t reach my big goals and my big yoga poses without reaching my small ones.
This concept is so profound that I now have a goal journal wherein I write down every day what I am doing to achieve my goals. (And yes, I still have that yoga spreadsheet. I know. I know). So now I remember that all my big goals start somewhere and I work on them every single day---and that to me is thinking BIG.
38. Take a Deep Cleansing Breath
We all have heard that phrase—take a deep breath and you’ll feel better. When people would say that to me—it’s like telling me to “calm down” when I’m in a full blown panic—it only makes things worse. WAY worse. I thought taking a deep breath was just a way to make a person re-focus and forget what was making them all worked up in the first place. You know, like what you do to a 2 year old when they are having a tantrum. You distract them with something else.
It wasn’t until I started doing yoga that I began to understand that your breath is very powerful. I started to learn that your breath work is just as important as your asana work (or poses). I also realized that taking a deep breath actually does calm you down but not necessarily in the same way I always thought. Taking a big deep cleansing breath (in through the nose and out through the mouth) tells the part of the brain (the amygdala) that we are not in a fight flight or flee state and we don’t need our body to respond in such a way to help us get through such a dilemma. Taking a deep breath tells our body to initiate the parasympathetic nervous system (vs. the sympathetic nervous system) so it can restore a calm and composed state.
So now, I literally take a deep breath ALL the time. Not just to help me get back into the state that I need to be in but so I can present a more calm and focused persona to my clients and all those around me. It’s literally as if I breathe in calm and breathe out stress.
39. Don’t Think—Just Do
I’ve never been a rash person. I analyze everything. I’m the kind of person who puts things in her on-line shopping cart for days to mull over whether or not she really needs another pair of yoga pants or another new gadget. It’s probably why the practice of law attracted me. You get to think and use logic rather than just be impulsive. It’s always been the right way for me. That is, until I started practicing yoga.
When I started yoga, I literally thought too much. I would think—“Oh, there’s no way I can do that pose.” And guess what—I couldn’t. So then I had a yoga instructor (yes, Mia, it was you) who told me that I need to stop getting in my head so much. I needed to stop the self-doubt that was keeping me from really trying. I needed to literally dive head first into the pose. I had to become more careless--which wasn’t easy for me. But it was just what I needed in order to be successful on my yoga mat.
So I brought that fool-hardy-ness back from yoga into my life. I try to not over think things. It helps me to be gentle with myself. And on a different level, being impetuous helps me get up in the morning (I have an entire blog on why waking up before the sun is a great thing). I literally jump out of bed when the alarm goes off at 5 am. I don’t let myself think about it or I know I’ll talk myself into staying in bed for just a few more minutes. I love that yoga taught me to un-think. And who would have thought that was exactly what I needed?
40.Hanging with my Ohm-ies!
Where I grew up, I was never really exposed to chanting or sitting in a circle and singing Kumbaya. I mean, that may seem like a surprise since I was born in the 70’s but….nonetheless. The whole concept of chanting in a room together pretty much seemed like some sort of devil worshipping ritual to me coming from a New Orleans catholic school girl. I just never really understood the purpose. And this is where I normally say something like “until I started yoga”. But the truth is….I still didn’t get the point of chanting when I started yoga or even after years and years of practice.
I would watch in a yoga class or meditation class and see how chanting seemed to be beneficial. But it just wasn’t for me. Saying the same word or phrase over and over again seemed unnecessary and pointless. So I decided to look at it a different way. I started seeing chanting as a gentle reminder to myself of something I need at that moment. Like a little internal pep talk. Like a repetitive theme song in your head. Like a personal applause track playing at your whim. And so I now embrace the idea of pumping myself up with a word or phrase (or chant) that resonates with me when I need it. I mean, who wouldn’t want their own cheering squad following them around? Mine just happens to be me.
Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997. She has been practicing family law for over 20 years. She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She has been practicing yoga for about 5 years and made a dream come true when she became a certified yoga instructor RYT 200 in June 2020. She lives in Houston, Texas. She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order. She also calls herself the yoga lawyer. Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce. If you are in need of a divorce coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram (@txyogalawyer, @yogalawyer1123, @coachingbyallyb, @texasdivorcecoach) Facebook (@txyogalawyer and @coachingbyallyb) and Twitter (@coachingbyallyb). And visit her blog--https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com
