A Different Look at How to Live a Mindful Life (aka Being Type A AND being Zen—yes, there is such a thing)
If you google “how to live a mindful life” you’ll see hundreds of articles about how to meditate and the scientific benefits of mediation. And that is fabulous because I truly believe that meditation is a great tool (once you figure out that it is not about having a blank mind—but that’s a topic for another day—see blog on Monkeys, Lizards and Spiderman and How They Help You Meditate).
I believe there is another way to live a mindful life. And the reason I believe this is because it has taken me decades to think that someone like me (a very type A personality) can be mindful. Before recently, I believed being mindful was reserved for yoga instructors and monks (and maybe really calm people who only exist in movies). Never did I think you could juggle multiple “jobs” (a career, being a parent, volunteer work, being a spouse, friendships, etc.) and be mindful. But….there is a way. And it’s not nearly as elusive as a pink fairy armadillo (oh, that’s a real thing. Look it up.)
Three Habits of a Type A Mindful Person: This is not scientifically backed but rather based on years and years of my observations in my career as a family law mediator and divorce coach as well as my own personal journey to achieve a mindful life.
No. 1: People Who Lead a Mindful Life Hold thoughts Lightly
Being a lawyer I was trained to provide empirical evidence or a counter-argument to each argument that came my way. I thought I was supposed to take in all information, process it and then spit out some sort of response or reply. But that is exhausting. Not every thought is worthy of our time or needs a response. And when you feel the need to give all thoughts meaning and purpose, you become a slave to everything that people say to you and you give value to opinions of others that may not be worthy. I learned that mindful people consistently monitor their thoughts as they arise and then hold those thoughts lightly. This is a two-fold process.
They monitor their thoughts. This process of self-observation allows them to “watch” what comes in. The only way to achieve this monitoring is to slow down and to be aware of the thought process as well as doing an internal “self-check”. When a person monitors their thoughts and can step back to watch what these thoughts mean, they also have the ability to not be so reactive. Being able to independently look at these thoughts requires insight to their own personality and a high EQ or emotional intelligence otherwise, the thoughts that come in would be meaningless.
Hold thoughts lightly. What does it mean to hold thoughts lightly? It means that when a thought comes in, a person doesn’t blindly believe that thought nor do they take it too seriously. It also means that a person questions the thought to determine whether or not the thought serves a purpose to them. This process requires a person to pause, take a real look at the thought and then process it rather than react to it. The person who holds their thoughts lightly, become the “master” of their thoughts rather than a prisoner to them.
How you can you practice holding thoughts lightly? You can practice holding your thoughts lightly by prioritizing the information that you process. Not everything deserves space in your head. And if it doesn’t deserve space, try to let it go and not let it take up your time. I joke that I don’t understand how people have the time to argue with other people on social media. It seems counter-productive to allow strangers to take up space in your day and to get you worked up over a complete stranger’s opinion. Why let that consume even a second of your time? But think of other thoughts in the same way. Do they serve a purpose? Only if they do, let them in and then let them out and don’t dwell on them. I know this is easier said than done in many circumstances but….practice it. Just in small ways. Let things go without another word or thought if it won’t make a difference in your life in a meaningful way.
No. 2: People Who Lead a Mindful Life are in the Driver’s Seat
When I started practicing family law, I thought a lot of my job was putting out fires. I would walk in the office knowing I only had a few things that I must accomplish for the day but most of my day would be spent responding to other attorneys, or responding to clients or responding to rulings by judges. Again, living like this was exhausting. You are constantly on high alert ready to dodge the next problem being lobbed at you. But then I started my new plan of having a morning routine and my mantra that if you own the morning, you own the day. I learned that mindful people are people that are in the driver’s seat rather than the passenger seat. They are people who make things happen in their day rather than react to what happens to them. And the great news is that type A personalities like myself are used to being in charge. The problem that tends to happen to type A personalities is that they are impatient and get frustrated so they rush and don’t take the time to focus on one thing at a time. They tend to multitask. While putting yourself in the driver’s seat takes some time to manage and cultivate, it actually lends itself to give you more time in the day because you make the choice to set the plan for the day not waiting around to see what others want of you.
How can you practice being a driver rather than a passenger in your life? The easiest way to accomplish this is by having a routine where you lay out your day. That may consist of keeping a goals’ journal (which is my preferred method) or a realistic “to do” list or just to make conscious choices to be in charge of your day. Of course there can easily be surprise things that happen in the day but when you start the day knowing you are in charge, it makes it easier to pivot and adjust when necessary.
No. 3: People Who Lead a Mindful Life Have Purpose (in daily tasks)
How many times have you gotten to work and realized that you can’t even remember the car ride getting you there? Or you are watching TV and you space out? Or doing one task but thinking about the one you need to do tomorrow? (I already know the answer, it happens to us all.) I’ve noticed that mindful people don’t just look at these daily mundane activities as just boring chores, they stay present in the tasks. Instead of rushing through the task, mindful people put purpose into it and actually “savor” or look forward to the task. They stay present in the task and make it more like a ritual than a burden. Take the fishmongers at Pike Place Fish Market for example. Cleaning and selling fish doesn’t seem like most people’s dream job. And in 1986, the market was close to bankruptcy until they introduced the practice of fish throwing and interacting with customers out from behind the counters. Now they are world famous and attract 10,000 visitors daily. They made a conscious choice to make their daily “tasks” into something that has purpose and meaning to them and something they can enjoy and look forward to. And they made money doing it. Mindful people do exactly the same thing. They see opportunity rather than drudgery.
How can you see purpose in your daily tasks? Well, you can globally try to realize that all tasks have meaning and look for the best in all you do but….that seems really overly daunting to start (or maybe it just seems like a little too much for me to do in a day). So perhaps start with something small—do something during your commute that you look forward to—listen to a podcast, listen to an audio book, get a great playlist together that helps you start the day, call a friend/family member and reconnect. This will have you be more present in what you are doing and it has more meaning than just getting you to where you need to be. Thich Nhat Hanh devotes an entire chapter of his book The Miracle of Mindfulness to Exercises in Mindfulness wherein he describes exactly how you can find mindfulness and wonder in every day tasks.[1]
Now that you know the secrets to attaining and living a mindful life, go forth and own the day!!
Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997. She has been practicing family law for over 20 years. She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She has been practicing yoga for about 5 years and made a dream come true when she became a certified yoga instructor RYT 200 in June 2020. She lives in Houston, Texas. She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order. She also calls herself the yoga lawyer. Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce. If you are in need of a divorce coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram (@txyogalawyer, @yogalawyer1123, @coachingbyallyb, @texasdivorcecoach) Facebook (@txyogalawyer and @coachingbyallyb) and Twitter (@coachingbyallyb). And visit her blog--https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com
[1] The Miracle of Mindfulness An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh, Beacon Press 1975.
