Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Yoga: How I transformed my life with yoga, even if you’re not down, dog.
I went to my first yoga class when I was 44 years old. I never thought yoga was for me. In fact, I was pretty sure that yoga was only for 22 year olds or size 2 ladies who lunch. That’s what I told my friend Michelle when she suggested I try a class. I remember telling her, “I don’t think I’m flexible enough to go to yoga.” To which she said, “Flexibility is not a requirement, it is a result.” Now, being a lawyer (and a pretty good one at that), I can argue pretty much any side of the argument. But truth is—I had no comeback to her comment. So on a day in September 2016, I put on my only pair of yoga pants a tank top, grabbed my $25 dollar yoga mat recently purchased from amazon and made myself as small as I could in the back of a yoga class in a suburb of Houston, Texas. I tried my best to be invisible and not make a fool out of myself. I remember slipping and sliding off my mat and looking up every three seconds to make sure that I was doing it “right” all the while pulling and tugging at my yoga pants and tank top to readjust my wardrobe malfunctions. But I made it through the 75 minutes and didn’t die of embarrassment or some freak bending accident. And even better—I went back.
In the first few months, I thought to myself—this is totally for me. I’m competitive with myself and I like to push myself. I learned some pretty difficult poses in a very short period of time—i.e. wheel, crow and even headstand. When people told me they had been working on those poses for years, I thought to myself “I knew it, I’ve got this!” But then I started to really “get” yoga. And by that I mean, I got that it’s not about rushing through poses or about the “destination” but rather it’s about the journey. I started to learn to slow down and let the process happen vs trying to force it and check something off my “yoga list”.
I learned so much in my journey through yoga. Not at all what I expected to learn and yet so much more. I know it sounds cliché but yoga has literally changed my life. I “get” that I need to slow down. I “get” that I need to throw out all my expectations for myself. I now joke that it took me almost 3 years to go 3 inches (in my split) and I’m okay with that speed. Never did this type-A, overachiever, first born, self-centered, impatient, out-spoken divorce lawyer think that yoga would be the best thing to ever happen to her. But here we are….and here is my journey….
I Posted Part 1 already. This is Part 2:
11. Balance
When I was a baby lawyer, my friend and mentor Linda told me I can be a lawyer, wife and mother but on any given day, I’ll can only do 2 of those things well. It took me years to understand what she meant. I thought she was telling me that I won’t always measure up. Or that I would have to drop the ball on one of my “duties” on any given day. But what she really meant was that it’s okay to not be 100% at every single thing every single day. And to not beat up myself because of it.
It’s the same thing in yoga. There are days where you do the very BEST warrior 3 and transition to half moon like an Instagram pro. And then there are days when you wobble in mountain. No two days are exactly alike. And just because you can do it one day, doesn’t mean you can do it again the next day or ever again. And that’s okay.
And that’s what I learned in yoga. I learned that balance is not about doing it all, it’s about doing it and showing up again the next day and trying again. And if you can’t do it, not to feel guilty or punish yourself for not being “perfect”. See what Linda was telling me but I didn’t really get until after yoga was that balance is not about being at 100% at every single thing every single day. It’s about coming back and doing it again the next day and the next and the next and the next….
12. You need a Strong Core
In life, I think the people that I look up to and admire the most are the people who have a good sense of self and know what their core beliefs are and are not afraid to stand up for them and live those beliefs each day. I always thought those people had this amazing ability that I was lacking. I had to
In yoga class, I thought I could do all these difficult poses because I had strong quads and strong triceps. No problem! Except that I can have strong everything but if my core is not strong enough, there’s no way I’m doing that headstand or that flying position. It all comes back to the core. When you have a strong core in yoga, you have your foundation and can branch out. You realize that with time, your core gets stronger and stronger. And that your core is the center of all that you do.
And that’s what I learned in yoga, that when you actually write down or identify what your own core beliefs are, it’s not so hard to live them every day. Having known core beliefs allows you to approach every difficult situation with integrity and sureness. It makes it such that you don’t feel like the path before you is a hard one rather it makes it seem like you have sign posts and street lights pointing you in the “right” direction at all times. And once you have a tried and true direction, you realize it only gets easier and easier to make decisions. And you realize that your beliefs get stronger and stronger with use.
13. Mountains
Being from New Orleans, I don’t get to see mountains on a regular basis. (I mean, at all. You have to be on an interstate overpass in New Orleans to actually be at sea level there.) But starting about age 7, my extended family started going to Colorado for summer vacation. I remember seeing giant mountains peaked with pointy rocks and sprinkled with snow and thinking—wow! This may be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m pretty sure going to Colorado and hiking each summer was the basis for my love of geology (which I took in college and to this day, think I’m part geologist/admirer of all rocks and shiny things). While I was fascinated by mountains, I still didn’t think they did anything. They just “were”.
When I first took yoga and was told to be in mountain pose, I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes so loudly the entire class could hear me. I thought to myself—"this is yoga? Ummm…I’m pretty sure this is called ‘standing’”. And I wanted to giggle every time an instructor would have us do this “pose”. But I complied. For about 2 years. Then, after about 2 years of practice (and lots of extra training and listening and research and letting it all sink in), I realized what and why mountain pose was important. It’s to center us. To ground us.
And that’s what mountain pose in yoga taught me. You can just “be” and it have an impact. Mountains are majestic and powerful. They are awe inspiring. They are grounded in the earth and reach for the clouds without moving. I’ve learned I can be the same. You can have a dynamic presence just by being you. You can fill up a room just from walking in the room. You can be all those things when you find yourself grounding in the earth and reaching towards the stars in your every day life.
14. Get twisted, sister!
In life, getting all twisted means that you are stressed and confounded. Well, it used to. Now the new definition is to be mistaken—as in “don’t get it twisted”. But either way, being twisted whether it’s yourself, your hair, wire, etc. It means to be tangled and restrictive.
In Yoga, getting twisted is a good thing. There’s some scientific evidence that twisting poses are good for us in that they improve circulation (not necessarily that twisting poses detox our organs). But there’s another benefit that twisting positions help—they actually untangle us. They lengthen our torso so we can stand taller, have better posture and breathe deeper. By tangling our bodies we are untangling them at the same time.
And that’s a side benefit of what yoga has done for me. Yoga has gotten me to realize that you can do something that may seem like it’s not right for you and it be exactly what you need. Yoga has helped me to realize that I don’t know everything. That I sometimes have to let go and just do what’s in front of me rather than fight it. I never realized crunching myself up would be a way to make me uncrunch myself. Yoga has me seeing in different perspectives. And I’m so thankful for this gift that yoga has brought to me.
15. You are a warrior
I joke that as a kid, my parents let us be feral and raise ourselves. So from the very beginning it was “eat or be eaten”. I had to learn to get in and fight for myself. And then I went to law school. That’s where it got even worse. That’s where you had to do better than the person sitting next to you because grades were on a curve. There were no “A’s”, it was whomever did the “best”. And even if you technically “passed” a class, you could fail if you happen to fall in the bottom 30%. I feel like all of this prepared me to be a “fighter”. To be better than…xyz. To prevail. But there’s a difference between being a fighter and being a warrior.
When I started yoga, warrior II seemed like a very basic pose. Not too hard at all. Let me just rush through it to get to a pose that actually made me have to “do something”. It wasn’t until I had been practicing for over a year and went back to take a gentle/basic class and had to hold Warrior II for more than just a breath. It felt powerful. It felt strong. It felt heroic.
And that’s what yoga taught me. It taught me that being a warrior is not just about being a fighter, it’s about being brave and bold and daring. But being a warrior is also when you slow down and focus inwards. It’s not always about fighting and winning. It’s about being proud of what you do and being courageous enough to take the risk.
16. Sometimes you need props
When we are young, we have no shame that we need training wheels. But at some point, we “graduate” and are supposed to have it all figured out. Like the baby bird that gets kicked out of the nest. In my real life, it’s hard to ask for help. I have this idea that I need to be on my top game all the time.
I felt the same way when I started yoga. I thought, hey, I can do this pose. I don’t need to use blocks or a strap—those are for the people who can’t do it the “right way”. But I realized that there are some days, it’s harder to get into that pose without a little help.
And that’s what yoga taught me, that we ALL need props sometimes. Sometimes we need that little extra to get us where we need to get. And it’s okay if the day before we didn’t need them. We shouldn’t feel badly for not be perfect. We shouldn’t feel shame for needing help. That’s the purpose of the “props”, they are there to help on days we need them.
17. It’s a practice not a performance
Growing up, I felt like I was always putting on a show. Maybe it’s because my family is a bunch of entertainers (not literally or anything but they are definitely the life of parties). And I studied acting in HS and was completely enthralled by theater so I’m sure that contributed to my flair for the dramatics. Oh yeah, and my profession. My profession definitely amped up my need to take dramatic pauses and wax poetically as if I’m forever impassionedly arguing for a (non-existent) jury.
So when I started yoga, I naturally thought yoga class was a place to show off all your skills. Like—ALL of them. So I bought hundreds of dollars of designer yoga gear and headed to the stage—I mean yoga studio. Where I assumed everyone watched everyone and silently critiqued or applauded the rest of the class. I was certain that every wrong arch of my back or missed toe point would be discussed in a secret yoga mean girl back room. But then I realized (after just a few weeks thank goodness) that no one cared what I was doing. Everyone in the class was focused on what they were doing that day and could care less how many times I mistook my left side for my right (probably at least twice).
I realized that yoga is the kind of practice that actually takes a lot of practice. And even if you master a pose, in order to maintain it you have to work at it. And to work at it, you have to focus on what you are doing and not what everyone else is up to. And in yoga class they celebrate your victories—not revel in your failures. No one (well I hate absolutes but…) wants to see you face plant in your crow attempt. No one goes to yoga class to watch their fellow students make mistakes. And I realized that yoga class is an uplifting and forgiving place. And I try so hard to let that beautiful accepting part of yoga spill over to other parts of my life. Yoga has truly changed the way I “perform”. I now accept that because I’m still a work in progress, I extend that philosophy to everyone else and not judge me or them so harshly.
18. Regret and Yoga are 4 letter words (Well, a 6 letter word, but you know what I mean).
There are so many times I just feel like I can’t get motivated and I miss out on something. But then I regret that I didn’t do it. And having 3 active kids and a full time job, makes it even harder to carve out time for myself. I’ve always liked to work out but not loved it. So it was hit or miss most of my life.
When I got in the groove of things with yoga (after my first month or so), it was the first time in my life (and remember, I’m pretty old) that I loved exercise. I mean loved it. I looked forward to it. I needed it. I couldn’t get enough. And even on those days that I was tired or had so much to do or hungover (what?) or just plain lazy, I still showed up to class. And it was absolutely the best part of my day. (sorry family).
And that’s what I learned from yoga. That regret was really a bad word. And while trying to make the decision to go to yoga class or not, the worst thing I could do is not go. And so I started bringing that into my life as well. Reminding myself that once I’m in class, the only thing I’d really be regretting is if I wasn’t there. And so I started doing lots of new things and reminding myself that once I’m “there” or once I’m doing the new thing, I don’t regret being there.
19. What’s your intention?
Most people go through their day in a robot like state. I know I used to be like that. Wake up. Shower. Go to work. Come home. Eat dinner. Go to bed and do it all over again and again and again. But even in my prior exercises, I felt like I was just getting on the treadmill and just doing my routine over and over again without much thought.
When I started yoga class, I loved how the yoga instructor would ask you to set an intention. It’s such a simple little act. And at first, I didn’t really understand the real importance. But after some time, I get that when we make an intention we are consciously opening our eyes to ourselves, our bodies and our purpose.
And that is what yoga taught me—that there is a real purpose in even the simplest of things. When we make an intention, we intend to do something. And when we intend to do something, we are more likely to accomplish it—rather than just go through the motions. It’s amazing that just making an intention can make you more efficient, more productive, and more aware. I now start every single day with an intention. With a purpose. With a goal in mind. It’s such a powerful way to live and all because of yoga class.
20.Corpse Pose
I’m pretty sure I’ve said many many times in my life that I’m dead tired or I’m dead to the world or that I slept like the dead. But actually wanting to behave as if I’m lying in a coffin –well—seems really really bizarre (and I’m from New Orleans and people do stuff like that).
And when I started yoga, I remember thinking—corpse pose? Isn’t that a little morbid? Little did I know, that after about a year (okay, so I’m a slow learner), being “dead” was what kept bringing me back to yoga.
And that’s what I learned from yoga, that to feel alive and be “woke”, you need a little corpse pose. You need to be still and quiet (like the dead) in order to live. Again, it’s a simple simple concept that really didn’t resonate in me until so late in life and only after I really accepted yoga and my yoga practice.
Look for part 3 soon.
Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997. She has been practicing family law for over 20 years. She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She lives in Houston, Texas. She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order. Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce. If you are in need of a divorce or transitional coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. And visit her blog--https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com
