Gris Gris Bag

 

What is a gris gris bag?  According to Merriam-Webster is a talisman, amulet, voodoo charm, spell or incantation believed capable of warding off evil and  bringing good luck to oneself or of bringing  misfortune to another.  According  to Wikipedia gris gris is voodoo amulet originating from Africa which is believed to protect the wearer from evil or bring luck.  It consists of a small cloth bag…containing ritual number of  small objects, worn on the person.  And  since I grew up in New Orleans where the phrase “I need a little gris gris for that” was common place, I have decided to let you in on what I believe needs to be in everyone’s gris gris bag to bring happiness and ward off bad juju.  

 

         Historically, gris gris is made up of the 4 elements of earth, air, water and fire.  Of course your gris gris bag will be unique to you as you are the only one who can use them to be the best version of you.  That being said, here is my take of the 4 essential elements that everyone’s life gris gris bag should be comprised of:

 

                      

     Goals

 

     How do you know what you want if you don’t know what you want?  And what I mean by setting goals is two-fold:  (1) you need to be specific.  Don’t just say I want to be rich, say you want to have $____ in the bank.  And (2) shoot big with those goals.  I mean shoot big and make it long term—not just that you want to organize your closet or learn to cook gumbo. (both of which are great goals btw).  I’m talking about goals like—I want to buy  a new house with a closet that is as big as my bedroom and I want to be the head chef at Spago or Joel Robuchon. BIG really  BIG.  

And once you know what you are aiming for, it’s a lot easier to take those steps to get there.  Because defining goals triggers action.  That means having clear and compelling goals motivate you into making them happen.

I once asked a friend who was unemployed what kind of job she wanted.  She responded with “the paying kind”.  I said but like—tell me more.  And to my surprise, that’s really all she had.  I told her she needs to write down what she was really wanting because how else will she know when it comes along?  At first she was confused but then that’s exactly what she did.  I mean, how is the universe going to send you something if you don’t even know what you want?  Now, I don’t need you to believe in whether or not the universe will hand you over your dreams on a silver platter in order for it to happen. But you do need to know exactly what you want to accomplish before you can accomplish it.  Try it.  See if it doesn’t make you put in an effort to focus and try to narrow down what you really desire.  And then…..make it happen.

  

         

 

       Gratitude

 

I’m sure you’ve heard this many times before—"be thankful for what you have” or “count your blessing”. But truth is, having a gratitude practice changes your brain and makes you happier and less likely to be depressed. Most studies show that gratitude is helpful for well-functioning people.  But in one study from Berkley, the researchers found that gratitude can be beneficial for people who struggle with mental health concerns. [1]

         So, how does gratitude make us happier?  It’s not just about being positive (hint: it’s about not being so negative). Gratitude keeps us from being negative.  When we have a gratitude journal or gratitude practice that includes writing, the same Berkley study showed that the participants who used less negative words and more inclusive words like “we” were the ones that were happier.  Gratitude helps us focus on the positive rather than ruminate on the negative.

How long does a gratitude practice take to feel the effects?  Many studies show that having a gratitude practice works pretty quickly.  However, even more interesting is that the practice of gratitude actually gets greater with time.  So the good news is gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving.

And in a follow up study[2], researchers found that practicing gratitude may help train the brain to be more sensitive to the experience of gratitude in the future and contribute to improved mental health over time.

 

                          

          Growth mindset

         

         What is a growth mindset?  It was a term introduced by Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University. [3]  It is the belief that one’s abilities can improve through effort and learning.  This presents as opportunities for growth and encourages a willingness to experiment and learn—essentially to grow.

            The concept of growth mindset is supported by the scientific concept of neuroplasticity of the brain.  This is the ability our brains have to be flexible and change.  Neuroplasticity continues throughout our lifetime and is not limited to when our brains are still forming.  

         In her research, Professor Dweck suggests that a grown mindset drives motivation and achievement.  When people believe that they can improve their abilities, they understand that effort makes them stronger.  

         Here are some simple ways to develop a growth mindset:

·      See challenges as opportunities

·      Embrace mistakes as progress 

·      Seek feedback

·      Set achievable goals

·      Celebrate success  with others

·      Cultivate a sense of purpose

·      Praise effort and progress

          

 

     Getting into the groove

 

     I know, I know.  Mornings suck.  I am a recovering insomniac and terrible sleeper.  Mornings used to come way too early for me.  But starting this year (so for only a few months now), I wake up early and have a morning routine.  It’s life changing in the very best way.  

All successful people have some sort of a morning routine. (go ahead.  Look it up.  I’ll wait).  And this is why—because when you own the morning, you own the day.  And if you own the day, you own the week.  And so on, and so on….When you don’t have to rush and throw on clothes in a panic and 

Start slow. Maybe just 15 minutes so you’re not in a rush.  Just enough to drink your coffee slowly.  This morning routine is just for you.  So don’t wake up early to do a chore.  Do something for yourself. Maybe sit quietly.  Maybe exercise even if that is just some stretching.  

Or maybe you do what I do—wake up at least an hour early so you can watch the sunrise and meditate and plan for the day.  I absolutely love my mornings now.  I literally don’t know how I ever got anything done before I made this a habit.  If a reformed lover of the “snooze” button can jump out of bed while it’s still dark with a smile, you can too. 

I have always said—if you wake up early, you own the day.  And if you own the day, you own the week.  And if you own the week, you own the month. And so on.  Waking up before the sun is not easy.  There are days that I loathe my alarm.  I literally wish evil on Alexa for making that horrid noise.  But on days I don’t wake up early, I am less productive, less alert, less motivated and way more tired.  Yes, I am more tired when I wake up late.  I’m grumpy and groggy and it takes longer for me to become awake.  And that is what this blog is about.  Being physically awake before the sun rises helps you be spiritually and emotionally awake in life.

 

              

 

 

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 25 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She has been practicing yoga for about 10 years and made a dream come true when she became a certified yoga instructor RYT 200 in June 2020 and her RYT 500 in June 2023.  She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  She also calls herself the yoga lawyer.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  You can follow her on Instagram  (@txyogalawyer, @yogalawyer1123, @coachingbyallyb, @texasdivorcecoach) Facebook @AllysonN.BrupbacherEsq. @Coachingbyallyb Twitter (@coachingbyallyb), and TikTok @yogalawyer.  And visit her blog-- https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

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[1] Y. Joel Wong, Jesse Owen, Nicole T. Gabana, Joshua W. Brown, Sydney McInnis, Paul toth & Lynn Gilman (2018 Does gratitude writing improve the mental health of psychotherapy clients? Evidence from a. Randomized controlled trial, Psychotherapy Research, 28:2, 192-202, DOI: 10.1080/10503307.2016.1169332

[2] Id.

[3] Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.

I'm Training for the Centenarian Olympics

     

    My entire life, I have had a strong connection to my great grandmother—Peewee as she was nicknamed.  She lived to be 102 years old.  She and I  have several things in common  (our tastes in  perfume, our love of bacon and eggs, our height  [don’t laugh], we are both the mother of twins) and as long as I can remember, I’ve told my kids that I’m going to live to be 102 just like Peewee.  But I always assumed that I would get there on sheer luck and awesome French genes that I inherited from her.

I remember talking to my grandmother (one  of Peewee’s twin daughters) a few weeks before her 90^th birthday.  She told me about how she does her “stretches” every day. I said, “Mere, (pronounced “mare” which is French for mother), what do you mean you do ‘stretches’ every day?” She replied, “you know, my stretches.”  Turns out my grandmother did yoga every day for almost 50 years.  When I talked to her on her 90^th birthday I asked her if she did her “stretches”. She said, “You know, Allyson, I woke up and said—I’m 90 today, I can’t skip them.  But then I realized that the reason I’m 90 and can still do them is because I do them every day so today’s no different.”  And while my grandmother did not make it to 100 like her mother did, I started thinking maybe I need to start planning for the long game and how I’m going to be able to break the century  mark.

 Years later, I  listened to a podcast wherein Dr. Peter Attia (a well known physician who focuses on the applied science of longevity) described how he has changed his focus from extreme exercise to what he describes as the Centenarian Olympics.  He has compiled a list of tasks he wants to be able to do when he is 100 years old.  Being inspired (and believing I’m going to crack the century mark myself), I made a list as well.  Here are a few of my  “events”.[1]  

·      get off the floor with little support

·      pull myself out of a pool

·      walk up and down three flights of stairs with something in your hands

·      touch my toes 

·      stand on one foot with your eyes closed for 30 seconds

·      do the 4-7-8 breath[2] 5 times without gasping

·      get in and out of a tall car/bed without help

·      stand up from a seated position without using your hands

 

Dr. Mark Hyman, American physician and founder of the UltraWellness Center said it perfectly, “My goal is to die young at a very old age.”

Making it to Triple Digits

         Life expectancies in developed and developing  countries have been rising, causing the number of centenarians to rise as well.  In 2020, the number of centenarians rose to approximately 573,000 worldwide. That is over four times as many as in 1990.  And the predicted growth is only accelerating.  There is evidence that shows that by 2050, there may be 3.7 million centenarians across the globe. 

         Right now, the United  States has the most centenarians with  about 97,000 living in  the U.S.  Japan comes in second with 79,000 and home to the oldest known living person,Kane Tanaka who is 117 years old, which  also makes her a supercentenarian  (someone who is older than 110).[3]  Japan  is also the country with the highest rate of centenarians at 4.8 for every  10,000 people (while the US is at 2.2 centenarians for every 10,000 people). 

The bad news is that as we age, our body becomes less flexible.  Being less flexible can cause instability and stiffness and make us become less stable.  Sarcopenia (muscle loss) and osteopenia (bone loss) are common results of aging as well.  The good news is that we can do exercises that keep us more flexible and keep our bones healthier for longer.  

There’s a reason why no one wants  to buy a 10 year old used car with 200,000 miles on it.  It’s because there’s a high chance some of the parts have been worn out and need replacing and the car will never work the same as a brand new model.  Same thing with  a human body.  Overdoing physical activity at a certain age can do the same thing to our joints and tissues.  And we can’t ever get back that same spring we had as a spry young chicken (I’m pretty sure I just aged myself with that sentence).  

Conversely, you also don’t want to buy that car that’s been sitting in the driveway (or the front lawn—you know you were thinking it too)  collecting dust and that hasn’t been turned on in 5 years—because that too will cause damage to the car.  Same with a sedentary human body.  Muscles, joints and bones need to be moved to work correctly.  

How to Train for the Centenarian Olympics

According to Dr. Attia, there are four pillars of physical training that he recommends for his patients regardless of the goals or events that you plan on showcasing in your personal centenarian Olympics:

Stability

When we get older, our body’s systems that detect gravity, identify exact body positioning and promote balance and stability become less effective.  These declines increase your risk of falling, but they often occur alongside losses in muscle strength and mobility.  Put this all together and it is easy to see why falls are the number one cause of injuries among older Americans according to the National Council on Aging.  [4].  

Strength

Stronger muscles equal a longer life.   This is the conclusion of one study in theAmerican Journal  of Medicine that shows muscle mass is an indicator of longevity and health in older adults.  However, as we age, we lose muscle mass (sarcopenia) so we have to work harder at maintaining our muscle strength.  In fact, we start to lose muscle mass at age 40 and it accelerates at age 50.  The great news here is that our bodies are so amazing that muscle loss can actually be reversed.  The take home is—it’s never too late to get muscle mass.  

Aerobic Efficiency

Aerobic Efficiency is the measure of your body’s ability to create energy through the combustion of carbohydrates, amino acids and fats in the presence of oxygen.  Aerobic exercise is essential for longevity in that (among other things), it keeps your muscles strong, reduces the risks of such conditions as obesity, heart disease and diabetes, keeps your arteries clear, boosts your mood as well as keeping your mind sharp. 

Anaerobic Efficiency

Anaerobic efficiency on the other hand is the measure of your body’s ability to create energy through the combustion of carbohydrates in the absence of oxygen.  When there is not enough oxygen in the bloodstream, glucose and glycogen cannot be fully broken down to carbon dioxide and water.  Instead, lactic acid  is produced, which can build up in the muscles and degrade muscle function.  Aging has a greater impact on our body’s anaerobicendurance which means that there is a greater risk of injury for certain activities that require anaerobic activity as we age.  

Why Should We Care if We Can Participate in these Centenarian Olympics?

         This article is not mean to tell you how to get to be 100 years old.  There are several really great articles out there that focus on what factors you should look at in order to live to be 100[5][6][7].  Rather, the purpose of this article is to make you think about what do you (and you as in really you not the universal ‘you’) need to work on that would help you be where you need to be in terms of activities when you reach 100.  My list focuses on survival and being able to be self-sufficient.  

·      If I can stand on one leg with my eyes closed at 77, I’m helping my balance and I’m teaching my brain to work without my eyesight (in case I continue on this path to wear glasses at all times or even in the dark).  

·      If I can touch my toes, then if I drop something when I’m 88 years old, I can pick it up off the floor and don’t need to call for help.  

·      If I can do the breathing exercises when I’m 99, my lung capacity is such that I can be better equipped to ward off common colds and pneumonia.  I

·    If I can lift myself up from a seated position or off the floor, it can help prevent falls and all those ER visits we talked about earlier.  

    So, it’s not really  about being super fit and running marathons at 100, rather, if we start to “train” our bodies to last longer now, we can head off certain problems before they happen.

So What Now?

The short answer is—a little of everything.  As in—if you lift weights, go for a walk and do some yoga.  If you do yoga, do some HIIT classes.  And so on.  That’s the “bad” news—you need more of what you’re not getting.  The good news though is—you don’t need a lot of it.  When we are in our 20’s we think we need to push ourselves and “feel the burn” in order to make exercise count.  But in your 40’s too much of a good thing is a bad thing.  A little goes a long way in terms of stability and strength as we age.  Bottom line—just keep moving and doing and get a variety of exercise that works on stability, strength, and aerobic and anaerobic activities. 

         And come see me and say hi in 40 or 50 years—I’ll still be here.  

 

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She has been practicing yoga for about 5 years and made a dream come true when she became a certified yoga instructor RYT 200 in June 2020.  She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  She also calls herself the yoga lawyer.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram  (@txyogalawyer, @yogalawyer1123, @coachingbyallyb, @texasdivorcecoach) Facebook (@txyogalawyer and @coachingbyallyb) and Twitter (@coachingbyallyb).  And visit her blog-- https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[1] I plan to post a more comprehensive list on my podcast in the near future.

[2] I will also have a podcast and blog on why this breathing technique is so helpful.

[3] The oldest person to ever live was Jeanne Louise Calment  (b. 21  Feb 1875) from Arles, France who died at the age of 122 years and 164 days old.  

[4] Every 11 seconds an older adult is treated in the ER  for a fall; every 19 minutes an older  adult dies from a fall

[5] Sally Wadyka, Simple Rules to Follow if you Want to Live to 100, The Health Newsletter, May 2019

[6] Diana Licalzi, Science-Backed Habits Live Past 100: Lessons from the Blue Zones, InsideTracker, October 2020

[7] Rachel Swalin, 10 Ways to Live to 100, Health.com, February 2021

A Different Look at How to Live a Mindful Life (aka Being a Type A Personality AND being Zen, Yes, there is such a thing)

 

A Different Look at How to Live a Mindful Life (aka Being Type A AND being Zen—yes, there is such a thing)

 

If you google “how to live a mindful  life” you’ll see hundreds of articles about how to meditate and the scientific benefits of mediation.  And that is fabulous because I truly believe that meditation is a great tool (once you figure out that it is not about having a blank mind—but that’s a topic for another day—see blog on Monkeys, Lizards and Spiderman and How They Help You Meditate).  

 

I believe there is another way to live a mindful life.  And the reason I believe this is because it has taken me decades to think that someone like me (a very  type A personality) can be mindful.  Before recently, I believed being mindful was reserved for yoga instructors and monks (and maybe really calm people who only exist in movies).  Never did I think you could juggle multiple “jobs” (a career, being a parent, volunteer work, being a spouse, friendships, etc.)  and be mindful.  But….there  is a way.  And it’s not nearly  as elusive as a pink fairy armadillo  (oh, that’s a real thing.  Look it up.)

 

Three Habits of a Type A Mindful Person:  This  is not scientifically backed but rather based on years and  years of my observations in my career as a family law mediator and divorce coach as well as my own personal journey to achieve a mindful life.

 No. 1: People Who Lead a Mindful Life Hold thoughts Lightly

 

Being a lawyer I was trained  to provide empirical evidence or a counter-argument to each argument that came my way.  I thought I was supposed to take in all information, process  it and then spit out some sort of response or reply.  But that is exhausting.  Not every thought is worthy of our time  or needs a response. And  when you feel the need  to give all thoughts meaning and purpose, you become a slave to everything that people say to you and you give value to opinions  of others that may not be worthy.  I learned that mindful people consistently monitor their  thoughts as they  arise  and then hold those thoughts lightly.  This is a two-fold process.  

 

They monitor their thoughts.  This process  of self-observation allows them to  “watch” what comes in.  The only way to achieve this monitoring  is to slow down and  to be aware of the thought process as well as doing an internal “self-check”.  When a person monitors  their thoughts and can step back to watch what these thoughts mean, they also have the ability to not be so reactive.  Being able to  independently look at these thoughts requires insight to their own personality and a high EQ or emotional intelligence otherwise, the thoughts that come in would be meaningless.  

 

Hold thoughts lightly.  What does it  mean to hold thoughts lightly?  It means that when a thought comes in, a person doesn’t blindly believe that thought  nor do they take  it  too seriously.  It also means that a person questions the thought to determine whether or not the thought serves a purpose to them.  This process requires a person to pause, take a real look at the  thought and then process it rather than react to it.  The person who holds their thoughts lightly, become the “master” of their thoughts rather than a prisoner to them.  

 

How you can you practice holding thoughts lightly?  You can practice holding your thoughts lightly by prioritizing the information that  you process.  Not everything  deserves space in your head.  And if it doesn’t deserve space, try to let it go and not let it take up your time.  I joke that I don’t understand how people have the time to argue with other people on social media.  It seems counter-productive to allow strangers to take up space in your day and to get you worked up over a complete stranger’s opinion.  Why let that consume even a second of  your time?  But think of other thoughts in the same way.  Do they serve a purpose? Only if they do, let them in  and  then let them out and don’t dwell on them.  I know this is easier said than done in many circumstances but….practice it.  Just in  small ways. Let  things go  without another word or thought if it won’t make a difference in your life in a  meaningful way.

 

No. 2: People Who Lead a Mindful Life are in the Driver’s  Seat  

 

When I started practicing family law, I thought a lot of my job was putting out fires.  I would  walk in the office knowing I only had a few things that  I must accomplish for the day but most of my day would be spent responding to other attorneys, or responding to clients or responding to rulings by judges.  Again, living like this was exhausting.  You are constantly on high alert ready to dodge the next problem being lobbed at you.  But then I started my new plan of having a morning routine and my mantra that if you own the morning, you own  the day.  I learned that mindful people are people that are in the driver’s seat rather than the passenger  seat.  They are people who make things happen in their day rather than react to what happens to them.  And the great news is that type A personalities like myself are used to being  in charge.  The problem that tends  to happen to type  A personalities is that they are impatient and get frustrated so they rush and don’t take the time to focus on one thing at a time.  They tend to multitask.  While putting yourself in the driver’s seat takes  some time to manage and cultivate, it actually lends itself to give you more time in the day because you make the choice to set the plan for the day not waiting around to see what others want of you.

 

How can you practice being a driver rather than a passenger in your life?  The easiest way to accomplish this  is by having a routine where you lay out your day.  That may consist  of keeping a goals’  journal (which is my preferred method) or a realistic “to do” list or just to make conscious choices to be in charge of your day.  Of course there can easily be surprise things that happen in the day but when you start the day knowing you are  in charge, it makes it easier to  pivot and adjust when necessary.

No. 3: People Who Lead a Mindful Life Have Purpose (in daily tasks)

 

How many times have you gotten to work and realized that you can’t even remember the car ride getting you there?  Or you are watching TV and you space out? Or doing one task but thinking about  the  one you need to do tomorrow?  (I already know the answer, it happens to us all.)  I’ve noticed that mindful people don’t just look at these daily mundane activities  as just boring chores, they stay  present in  the tasks.  Instead of rushing through the task, mindful people put purpose  into it and actually  “savor” or look forward  to the task.  They stay present in the  task and make it more like a ritual than a burden.  Take the fishmongers at  Pike Place  Fish Market for example.  Cleaning and selling fish doesn’t seem like most people’s dream job.  And in 1986, the market was close  to bankruptcy until they introduced the practice of fish throwing and interacting with customers out from behind the counters.  Now they are world famous and attract 10,000 visitors daily.  They made  a conscious choice to make their daily “tasks” into something that has purpose and meaning to them and  something they can enjoy and look forward to.  And they made money doing  it.  Mindful people do exactly the  same thing.  They see opportunity rather than drudgery.  

 

How can you see purpose in your daily tasks?  Well, you can globally try to realize that all tasks have meaning  and look  for the best in all you do but….that seems really overly daunting to  start (or maybe it just seems like a little too much for  me to do in a day).  So perhaps start with something small—do something during your commute that you look forward to—listen to a podcast, listen to an audio book, get a great playlist together that helps you start the day, call a friend/family member  and reconnect.  This will have  you be more  present in what  you are doing  and  it has more meaning than just getting you to where you need  to be. Thich Nhat Hanh devotes an entire chapter of his book The Miracle of Mindfulness to Exercises in Mindfulness wherein he describes exactly how you can find mindfulness and wonder  in every day tasks.[1]

 

Now that you know the secrets to attaining and living a mindful life, go forth and own the day!!

 

Allyson Brupbacher was born and raised in New Orleans until she enrolled and then graduated from University of Houston Law School in 1997.  She has been practicing family law for over 20 years.  She is board certified in family law and a licensed mediator. She has been practicing yoga for about 5 years and made a dream come true when she became a certified yoga instructor RYT 200 in June 2020.  She lives in Houston, Texas.  She describes herself as a lawyer, mother and badass but not necessarily in that order.  She also calls herself the yoga lawyer.  Her background provides a unique perspective to help parties in the middle of a divorce.  If you are in need of a divorce coach, contact her at www.coachingbyallyb.com or email at allyb@coachingbyallyb.com or follow her on Instagram  (@txyogalawyer, @yogalawyer1123, @coachingbyallyb, @texasdivorcecoach) Facebook (@txyogalawyer and @coachingbyallyb) and Twitter (@coachingbyallyb).  And visit her blog--https://coachingbyallyb.blogspot.com

 

 

 

 

 

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[1] The  Miracle of Mindfulness An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh, Beacon Press 1975.